Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Walk in the sun

after the accident we never talked again. she never return my calls, my text or anything i gave her. she didn't even came to visit me when i was at the hospital, had my brain drilled to take out some bloodclot thingy, and then stitches on my back. i don't talk about the incident to anyone, maybe because i'm not ready, maybe because i only wanted to talk to her. after the accident occur, i was awake for a few moment before the surgery, she was on the bed next to my bed, she wasn't awake, but there seems to be no critical injuries on her. not even a scratch, but she was nonetheless unconcious. it was weird at first, because after my surgery, people started to treat me differently, like i had some mental problem. my mom said there was nothing wrong with me, and the doctor said that the surgery will give me some temporary memory loss, and if i wasn't careful, could lead to serious mental problem, like schizo-something.

i agree i had some temporary memory loss, like when i forgot where i put my shoes, or where to pee, or where to sleep. this one time i slept in the garage, next to the car, but luckily i woke up in the middle of the nightand remembered where to sleep again. the doctor also said that some of my muscle might not work like they used to, like now, i can't even hold a grip properly, or play playstation 3 without looking at my hand before pressing any button, or a simple task like typing on my computer.

but with Annie is different, nobody talked about her each time i asked anyone, my friends, my brothers, or even my friends. she didn't answer my calls.and everytime i call her house her father would always hung up whenever he heard my voice. when i tried to go over to her house, well i just got lost, and ended up at some playground or this lake. but each time i tried to remember where her house is i always ended up at the same place, kinda like the twilight zonr, except this isn't on TV.

the accident happened a month ago, i'm still regularly seeing the doctor every week, to check on my surgery wound. i notice that on my appointment card said that i have been seeing the doctor for the last 2 month, but i never recalled anything that happened the last 2 month, so i thought the nurse did some error, and just ignored it.

one month and three weeks, i haven't seen Annie, my heart was at a lost, and my brain hurted like hell each time i tried to think of her, but each time i could recall her face i would almost blackout. and i couldn't remember the anything about her, but i thought it was because of the brain damage thing that happened to me. so i only thought that when i fully heal, i would remember them. the last thing i remember from the accident, was her smiling at me, then a big blank and then a tree came out of nowhere in front of us. and next thing i remeber was waking up at the hospital, and asking for Annie.

i was better, i regain much of my motor function back. i could drive again, but my mom would never let me drive, afraid that i might get lost. so this one day, while she was working, i took one of the car out for a drive, because i wanted to see Annie again. so i drove around for the first time to look for her house, the first time i looked for her house i was just walking.sadly i arrived at the playground again, next to this lake garden. i gave up hope, i parked the car and decided to take a walk at the place. while i was walking i had a few flashbacks, like the first time i saw her, and how we met. it was at this very park. i was jogging and she fell down, i helped her up and from there everything began. after that i walked some more, to see if there was anyhting else i could remember, then came the first date that we ever gone on, it was at this crappy street cafe, but she was buying so i didn't mind.

then a few blocks later, i saw her, sitting on a bench. part of her forehead was still in bandages, her hands still plastered, but other than that she seems alright. slowly i approached her, i tried backing out but it seems that my muscle lost its function to chicken out, so i sat there next to her.

"i've been waiting,"
"waiting? for me?"
"of course, who else would i wait for?"
"i'm, really really, really sorry. it was all my fault."
"what? the accident? you don't remember do you?"
"yes,um.. no! i couldn't, it hurts my head."
"i'm the one that has to apologize."

then i heard the whole story, the accident, it was different from how i remembered it, she wasn't in the car with me, she wasn't smiling. the day the accident happened was the day i found out that her father engaged her to someone else. i was there at her house, it all happened in front of my eyes, i rushed out of her house, and drove away, but she ran after me, and jumped in front of my car, i swerve and hit a tree. i was badly injured. she tried to rescue me, but the tree that i hit, it fell on top of her. that was the reason why everytime i tried to think of her my head would hurt, it was because my heart was also hurting, my mind just didn't want my heart to feel the pain so it hurt itself. that doesn't make sense, but i know that's the reason.

i told her that it was okay, and slowly tried to hug her, but her cast was too stiff, so i didn't.she was smiling while trying to hug me, and so did i. and it seems that each time that i came across this place, my heart would always beat fast. and she told me that she waited everyday....then we took a walk, with me holding her other hand that wasn't broken. behind us was her father looking with pride, feeling that her daughter had found the right man.

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