These exact words are the last words that i heard him say. He smiled for one last time, while the doctor checked his pulse, and slowly, his breath got deeper, and deeper until it finally just stop. i could clearly hear the cries of everyone in the room. Everyone was sad at the fact that he has moved on, but i felt relieved, because he doesn't have to suffer anymore. He is my best friend, my blood brother, my rival, my mentor, my forever buddy, he was Benjy.
Benjy and me had always been friend, ever since we were young. We lived in the same neighbourhood, but when we were in high school i moved to another place, but we still went to the same school. our notorious pranks made us the school most wanted-but-lovable students. even though our naughtiness are legendary, our wits when it comes to studying were epic. there's not many student that have a permanent record full of negative remarks but the has the best GPA. i guess we were just those kinds of kids that likes to play hard, and learn harder.
you know, when we were young, i always thought you had more courage than i do, so whenever we were in trouble, if i never saw you getting scared, i wouldn't be too....
we got accepted into different colleges, i took Psychology and sociology, while he took Aeronautic Engineering. even though we were far apart from one end of the world, to the other end, we never forgot each other. Raya was the best time for us, since it was the only time we get to meet.
but after graduating, we went work to separate places, him in KL, while I'm in Kuching. during these few year, we hardly ever saw each other, except for Raya, and that would only mean only one day.
times pass, we lost what we used to have back when we were young....
i was getting older, so was he, i found myself the love of my life, my high school sweetheart, one of our own best friends- Jenny. She was always close to Benjy, and who would have thought, Benjy set us up, and we dated through college, and now I'm married to her. Benjy was there to be my Best man during my wedding. that's when i notice there was something wrong with him. Benjy only had his mother, since his father already passed away when he was a baby. so his mother was all he had as family, but he always called me his brother. he didn't want to be my best man, cause of some unknown reason, but i was persistent, and he agreed.
after i got married, i started hanging out with Benjy again. as it turns out he got a job back here again. so every weekend, we hung out doing whatever we could think of, from playing pool, to karaoke, to playing half-life at the local cybercafe. I felt weird for Benjy, since his job,well lets just say, its a high paying job, but he still stayed in his mother's old house back at the Kampung. and every time we went out, he would always look pale, or sometimes always have a headache.. but it didn't stop him.
so it was this one day, we were out with some of our school mates, we decided to jam, since it has been a long time since our last time together, we thought about getting the band back together.
so anyway we jammed for about three hours and after we finished, we went to McDonald. the best place to go after jamming, since they have refills...mm...
things sometimes happen for a reason we never know, but they just do..
while we were heavily laughing to the stories we had when we were young we all remembered about our family, not parents, but our own family now, kids, wife and in laws, we told stories about them. Benjy didn't have anything to talk about since he wasn't married yet, but he also laughed with us.but anyway while doing so, something unexpected happened, Benjy has been complaining about a slight headache before but we didn't took it seriously, but this time he actually blacked out. we had to call an ambulance. a few moments later all of us were at the hospital emergency room. we called Benjy's mother,she arrived a few minutes later.
it was that day that our eyes were opened, my eyes to be exact about Benjy's condition. His mother told us everything. Benjy was still in a coma, still haven't woken up yet, the doctor said he had a terrible seizure, but he's sure to wake up. anyway, the story that his mother told us was quite unexpected.
in life, we always had the best time, so when i die, have a blast, for me...
While working in KL, Benjy's life was pure fun. he had a great time working making lots of money, and spending lots of them too. but one day, he felt a slight headache due to not sleeping doing a job. he put the thought aside thinking it was just due to lack of sleep. so it was a week later, his nose started oozing mucus non-stop and sometimes bled. he went to the doctor. and it turns out he was diagnosed with cancer. he fell into a spiral of depression, his mother went to KL to take care of him. they did everything to cure the cancer, modern medicine, traditional medicine and new age stuff. but nothing was working. he went to chemotherapy, lost his hair. it got rid of the cancer for about one year, the year that i couldn't get a hold of him. he quit his job, went to see the world with his mother after realizing he may die at anytime. a few month after coming back to KL, he went for his usual checkup and more bad news, the cancer came back, it was in the fourth stage.meaning its incurable. the doctor suggested more chemotherapy, but he refused, his mother pleaded to him to go for chemotherapy, but he made up his mind, saying, "if its my time to die, then I'll die, death is in god's hand. i rather spend the rest of my days with you and my friends, than spend it injecting those medicine in my body while it kills me slowly, and die eventually."
so he took the next week to pack all his stuff from his condo in KL and stayed in Kuching. it was during my wedding, his mother told me that he had an appointment with the doctor in KL during my wedding, and i wanted him to be my best man, he canceled the appointment after i talked him into it.
there are times i rather live and die instantly, but with friends like you guys, dying just seems boring....
i cried a tearless cry, hearing the story from her. so did all of our friend. Benjy was admitted into the ward after he woke up. he was smiling, he always smiled even during the worst of time. he smiled when we got in trouble in school, he smiled when we received our first punishment, and we just laughed about it. i was mad at him, for not telling me about the problem. he apologized, he said he didn't want me to treat him any differently. its true, if i had known, i wouldn't have brought him to do any of the things we did these past few month. he enjoyed what he did. i thought and prayed really hard he would get better, cause according to the doctor, he could get better, or he might get worst. so everyday after work i went to see him, and sometimes it would be me and Jenny. and sometimes it was with the other guys. his mother didn't went home for a few weeks now. i saw him getting better each day,but the doctor said the cancer is eating away his brain cell, which mean he was getting worst. he wanted to show us all he was getting better. it made us all feel better, when inside we know he wasn't.
one month later, i was at work, when Benjy's mother called me saying it was an emergency, Benjy had another seizure. i rushed out of work and went straight to the hospital, i called Jenny, and my other friend to meet me there. when we arrived, Benjy was still in a coma, at the ICU, his mother was waiting outside crying, i comforted her. a few moments later everyone else came. the doctor came out saying that Benjy was out of his coma, and he may only have a few more moment to live. we came in, there was all this machine wired to him. he just lay there, and he smiled all the way. even when the nurse surrounded him to check on him he smiled. he talked a made a few jokes, and we all tried to laugh but we just couldn't. his mother couldn't stop crying behind me, so was Jenny. me, i had to be brave, knowing if i was scared, then Benjy would be too. i sat beside him, trying hard to comfort him and everybody else in the room. all of our friends gathered beside him, his mother sat next to me, while Jenny was beside her. the beeping of the heart monitor was getting slower each time it beeped. he made one last joke before saying something that i would never forget until this very day.
"everyone, if i don't wake up tomorrow, i want you to know that i had the best time of my life. If i don't wake up tomorrow, i don't want you to cry, cause if you do, then all the fun i had with you guys will be just a sad memories,no i won't have that, i want it to be remembered as the best times we had as friends, as a family. cause you know, Life, something that always has something new to offer, no matter how long you live."
he breathed his last breath. he passed on a few seconds later. every one in the room cried, except for me. cause Benjy once told me, if i was afraid, then he'd never smiled like he used to. his funeral was held the day after. my parents were there, my school teachers was there. everyone we knew was there. as everyone as left the grave, i stayed behind with Jenny and Benjy's mother. His mother then walked to her car. i was the last one to leave his grave. staring at his grave, i remembered the first time i met him when we were five. then a little tear fell down my face, and i turned away, and walked towards Jenny, and went into my car. i closed my eyes and a a vague image of Benjy smiling came. i missed him already.
Dedicated in Memory of :
Mohd. Abid bin Saad.(1990-2006)
Mohd. Shafiq bin Abdul Razak.(1990-2010)
Benjy and me had always been friend, ever since we were young. We lived in the same neighbourhood, but when we were in high school i moved to another place, but we still went to the same school. our notorious pranks made us the school most wanted-but-lovable students. even though our naughtiness are legendary, our wits when it comes to studying were epic. there's not many student that have a permanent record full of negative remarks but the has the best GPA. i guess we were just those kinds of kids that likes to play hard, and learn harder.
you know, when we were young, i always thought you had more courage than i do, so whenever we were in trouble, if i never saw you getting scared, i wouldn't be too....
we got accepted into different colleges, i took Psychology and sociology, while he took Aeronautic Engineering. even though we were far apart from one end of the world, to the other end, we never forgot each other. Raya was the best time for us, since it was the only time we get to meet.
but after graduating, we went work to separate places, him in KL, while I'm in Kuching. during these few year, we hardly ever saw each other, except for Raya, and that would only mean only one day.
times pass, we lost what we used to have back when we were young....
i was getting older, so was he, i found myself the love of my life, my high school sweetheart, one of our own best friends- Jenny. She was always close to Benjy, and who would have thought, Benjy set us up, and we dated through college, and now I'm married to her. Benjy was there to be my Best man during my wedding. that's when i notice there was something wrong with him. Benjy only had his mother, since his father already passed away when he was a baby. so his mother was all he had as family, but he always called me his brother. he didn't want to be my best man, cause of some unknown reason, but i was persistent, and he agreed.
after i got married, i started hanging out with Benjy again. as it turns out he got a job back here again. so every weekend, we hung out doing whatever we could think of, from playing pool, to karaoke, to playing half-life at the local cybercafe. I felt weird for Benjy, since his job,well lets just say, its a high paying job, but he still stayed in his mother's old house back at the Kampung. and every time we went out, he would always look pale, or sometimes always have a headache.. but it didn't stop him.
so it was this one day, we were out with some of our school mates, we decided to jam, since it has been a long time since our last time together, we thought about getting the band back together.
so anyway we jammed for about three hours and after we finished, we went to McDonald. the best place to go after jamming, since they have refills...mm...
things sometimes happen for a reason we never know, but they just do..
while we were heavily laughing to the stories we had when we were young we all remembered about our family, not parents, but our own family now, kids, wife and in laws, we told stories about them. Benjy didn't have anything to talk about since he wasn't married yet, but he also laughed with us.but anyway while doing so, something unexpected happened, Benjy has been complaining about a slight headache before but we didn't took it seriously, but this time he actually blacked out. we had to call an ambulance. a few moments later all of us were at the hospital emergency room. we called Benjy's mother,she arrived a few minutes later.
it was that day that our eyes were opened, my eyes to be exact about Benjy's condition. His mother told us everything. Benjy was still in a coma, still haven't woken up yet, the doctor said he had a terrible seizure, but he's sure to wake up. anyway, the story that his mother told us was quite unexpected.
in life, we always had the best time, so when i die, have a blast, for me...
While working in KL, Benjy's life was pure fun. he had a great time working making lots of money, and spending lots of them too. but one day, he felt a slight headache due to not sleeping doing a job. he put the thought aside thinking it was just due to lack of sleep. so it was a week later, his nose started oozing mucus non-stop and sometimes bled. he went to the doctor. and it turns out he was diagnosed with cancer. he fell into a spiral of depression, his mother went to KL to take care of him. they did everything to cure the cancer, modern medicine, traditional medicine and new age stuff. but nothing was working. he went to chemotherapy, lost his hair. it got rid of the cancer for about one year, the year that i couldn't get a hold of him. he quit his job, went to see the world with his mother after realizing he may die at anytime. a few month after coming back to KL, he went for his usual checkup and more bad news, the cancer came back, it was in the fourth stage.meaning its incurable. the doctor suggested more chemotherapy, but he refused, his mother pleaded to him to go for chemotherapy, but he made up his mind, saying, "if its my time to die, then I'll die, death is in god's hand. i rather spend the rest of my days with you and my friends, than spend it injecting those medicine in my body while it kills me slowly, and die eventually."
so he took the next week to pack all his stuff from his condo in KL and stayed in Kuching. it was during my wedding, his mother told me that he had an appointment with the doctor in KL during my wedding, and i wanted him to be my best man, he canceled the appointment after i talked him into it.
there are times i rather live and die instantly, but with friends like you guys, dying just seems boring....
i cried a tearless cry, hearing the story from her. so did all of our friend. Benjy was admitted into the ward after he woke up. he was smiling, he always smiled even during the worst of time. he smiled when we got in trouble in school, he smiled when we received our first punishment, and we just laughed about it. i was mad at him, for not telling me about the problem. he apologized, he said he didn't want me to treat him any differently. its true, if i had known, i wouldn't have brought him to do any of the things we did these past few month. he enjoyed what he did. i thought and prayed really hard he would get better, cause according to the doctor, he could get better, or he might get worst. so everyday after work i went to see him, and sometimes it would be me and Jenny. and sometimes it was with the other guys. his mother didn't went home for a few weeks now. i saw him getting better each day,but the doctor said the cancer is eating away his brain cell, which mean he was getting worst. he wanted to show us all he was getting better. it made us all feel better, when inside we know he wasn't.
one month later, i was at work, when Benjy's mother called me saying it was an emergency, Benjy had another seizure. i rushed out of work and went straight to the hospital, i called Jenny, and my other friend to meet me there. when we arrived, Benjy was still in a coma, at the ICU, his mother was waiting outside crying, i comforted her. a few moments later everyone else came. the doctor came out saying that Benjy was out of his coma, and he may only have a few more moment to live. we came in, there was all this machine wired to him. he just lay there, and he smiled all the way. even when the nurse surrounded him to check on him he smiled. he talked a made a few jokes, and we all tried to laugh but we just couldn't. his mother couldn't stop crying behind me, so was Jenny. me, i had to be brave, knowing if i was scared, then Benjy would be too. i sat beside him, trying hard to comfort him and everybody else in the room. all of our friends gathered beside him, his mother sat next to me, while Jenny was beside her. the beeping of the heart monitor was getting slower each time it beeped. he made one last joke before saying something that i would never forget until this very day.
"everyone, if i don't wake up tomorrow, i want you to know that i had the best time of my life. If i don't wake up tomorrow, i don't want you to cry, cause if you do, then all the fun i had with you guys will be just a sad memories,no i won't have that, i want it to be remembered as the best times we had as friends, as a family. cause you know, Life, something that always has something new to offer, no matter how long you live."
he breathed his last breath. he passed on a few seconds later. every one in the room cried, except for me. cause Benjy once told me, if i was afraid, then he'd never smiled like he used to. his funeral was held the day after. my parents were there, my school teachers was there. everyone we knew was there. as everyone as left the grave, i stayed behind with Jenny and Benjy's mother. His mother then walked to her car. i was the last one to leave his grave. staring at his grave, i remembered the first time i met him when we were five. then a little tear fell down my face, and i turned away, and walked towards Jenny, and went into my car. i closed my eyes and a a vague image of Benjy smiling came. i missed him already.
Dedicated in Memory of :
Mohd. Abid bin Saad.(1990-2006)
Mohd. Shafiq bin Abdul Razak.(1990-2010)
Yasmine Ghazali (1993-2010)
"though we thought we'd be friends forever, life had other plans, and i never thought you'd be gone before i would."
"and i know that one day I'm gonna meet you again."
"though we thought we'd be friends forever, life had other plans, and i never thought you'd be gone before i would."
"and i know that one day I'm gonna meet you again."
