Its been a year since i last saw her. she was still as beautiful as ever. She arrived in a dark blue Hilux. I've been waiting for about 15 minutes. she smiled when she saw me. this place, the ol' ice cream place where we would always meet. she was my junior in high school, a year younger than me. we would usually meet here whenever it was convenient, that is whenever her parents would let her go out.
She would order the same thing every time we're here, chocolate sundae, and me i would order a banana split. i felt there was some uneasy vibe surrounding her, and i always knew there was something wrong with her. i could tell. the last time we met here, she was undergoing a breakup with her boyfriend. and i comforted her.
we talked on the phone, and sometimes we text, but lately, she's been hiding something from me. and then suddenly this morning she suddenly asked me to meet her here. she knows that I've been hiding my feelings for her all this time, but as always i would never say it to her anymore. cause i'm always here, whenever she needed someone to talk to.
there was no conversation between us, there was just silence. in an effort to make her open up, i asked her about her life lately. She said she's fine, considering she just finished her diploma, but still waiting for her acceptance into degree level. then i asked her about everything, like; hows her life, hows the family, and such.
but that was it. that's all she answered. there was definitely something wrong with her, cause whenever she didn't ask me anything, something must be terribly wrong with her. she didn't look sad, she looked happy, but there was just this unresolved vibe she was emitting. in confidence i asked her directly what was wrong with her.
she was hesitant to answer. she played around with her sundae. then she answered me.
"I have something to say Jim."
my heart was pounding, knowing she would either say that she's ready for a relationship with me. maybe she realized how much i cared for her all this time. maybe she realized after those long years of me hiding my feelings, she would know that i'm the one she wants to be with.
"i... i'm going to KL next week."
she stuttered. so what, i go to KL all the time, for my vacation, or shopping, or work. but she sounded nervous saying this to me. her face turned gloomy all of a sudden. i said that its okay, we'll hang out after she comes back. but something tells me she told me this for some other reason.
"I'm getting engaged."
the split second i heard that word, my heart felt like it stopped. i turned my face to the side, and then i stared at the banana split. i felt this sudden jolt of sadness. all this time I've been waiting for my moment, I've had that moment long before, but she didn't take me seriously. since every time I've seen her, she always had a boyfriend, and i would always be there, whenever she falls apart, after the guy left her. i didn't want to be the guy who would take advantage of a broken heart girl, so i just became a shoulder she could cry on whenever she felt sad, or the guy that's beside her when she's happy. in short i wanted to always be beside her, whatever situation she's in.
but now, i felt like everything fell apart.
"Jim, i'm sorry. it wasn't my decision. my parents fixed me up to the guy."
then i forced my sadness away, and smiled. i told her i was happy for her.
"You've always been there for me Jim, i didn't want to break your heart. its just that.."
i told her, i understand, cause all this while i was always her best friend, the one she would tell secrets to, the one she could turn to for help. it just didn't came to her that i wanted more. but there was one thing I've always wanted her to have, that is to be happy. and i'm sure she'll be happy.
"Thanks Jim. you will always be my best friend."
she smiled, and then we stood up, and walked out of the ice cream place. as she turned to say goodbye, she hugged me and then walked to her car. i didn't have the heart to tell her how i felt, and i didn't have the courage to tell her that i've always been in love with her. now she's gone. and i never will have that chance anymore. i know when she said that i'll always be her best friend, i knew that after this, i won't get to see her anymore. she'll never know, and i'll never know if we were meant to be.
cause for all this while I've known her, she was all that i wanted. and all i want is her today. knowing after this i can never tell her my feelings for her, cause her happiness is all that i ever ask for, even if it meant sacrificing myself to be miserable forever.
