Walk in the sun

after the accident we never talked again. she never return my calls, my text or anything i gave her. she didn't even came to visit me when i was at the hospital, had my brain drilled to take out some bloodclot thingy, and then stitches on my back. i don't talk about the incident to anyone, maybe because i'm not ready, maybe because i only wanted to talk to her. after the accident occur, i was awake for a few moment before the surgery, she was on the bed next to my bed, she wasn't awake, but there seems to be no critical injuries on her. not even a scratch, but she was nonetheless unconcious. it was weird at first, because after my surgery, people started to treat me differently, like i had some mental problem. my mom said there was nothing wrong with me, and the doctor said that the surgery will give me some temporary memory loss, and if i wasn't careful, could lead to serious mental problem, like schizo-something.

i agree i had some temporary memory loss, like when i forgot where i put my shoes, or where to pee, or where to sleep. this one time i slept in the garage, next to the car, but luckily i woke up in the middle of the nightand remembered where to sleep again. the doctor also said that some of my muscle might not work like they used to, like now, i can't even hold a grip properly, or play playstation 3 without looking at my hand before pressing any button, or a simple task like typing on my computer.

but with Annie is different, nobody talked about her each time i asked anyone, my friends, my brothers, or even my friends. she didn't answer my calls.and everytime i call her house her father would always hung up whenever he heard my voice. when i tried to go over to her house, well i just got lost, and ended up at some playground or this lake. but each time i tried to remember where her house is i always ended up at the same place, kinda like the twilight zonr, except this isn't on TV.

the accident happened a month ago, i'm still regularly seeing the doctor every week, to check on my surgery wound. i notice that on my appointment card said that i have been seeing the doctor for the last 2 month, but i never recalled anything that happened the last 2 month, so i thought the nurse did some error, and just ignored it.

one month and three weeks, i haven't seen Annie, my heart was at a lost, and my brain hurted like hell each time i tried to think of her, but each time i could recall her face i would almost blackout. and i couldn't remember the anything about her, but i thought it was because of the brain damage thing that happened to me. so i only thought that when i fully heal, i would remember them. the last thing i remember from the accident, was her smiling at me, then a big blank and then a tree came out of nowhere in front of us. and next thing i remeber was waking up at the hospital, and asking for Annie.

i was better, i regain much of my motor function back. i could drive again, but my mom would never let me drive, afraid that i might get lost. so this one day, while she was working, i took one of the car out for a drive, because i wanted to see Annie again. so i drove around for the first time to look for her house, the first time i looked for her house i was just walking.sadly i arrived at the playground again, next to this lake garden. i gave up hope, i parked the car and decided to take a walk at the place. while i was walking i had a few flashbacks, like the first time i saw her, and how we met. it was at this very park. i was jogging and she fell down, i helped her up and from there everything began. after that i walked some more, to see if there was anyhting else i could remember, then came the first date that we ever gone on, it was at this crappy street cafe, but she was buying so i didn't mind.

then a few blocks later, i saw her, sitting on a bench. part of her forehead was still in bandages, her hands still plastered, but other than that she seems alright. slowly i approached her, i tried backing out but it seems that my muscle lost its function to chicken out, so i sat there next to her.

"i've been waiting,"
"waiting? for me?"
"of course, who else would i wait for?"
"i'm, really really, really sorry. it was all my fault."
"what? the accident? you don't remember do you?"
"yes,um.. no! i couldn't, it hurts my head."
"i'm the one that has to apologize."

then i heard the whole story, the accident, it was different from how i remembered it, she wasn't in the car with me, she wasn't smiling. the day the accident happened was the day i found out that her father engaged her to someone else. i was there at her house, it all happened in front of my eyes, i rushed out of her house, and drove away, but she ran after me, and jumped in front of my car, i swerve and hit a tree. i was badly injured. she tried to rescue me, but the tree that i hit, it fell on top of her. that was the reason why everytime i tried to think of her my head would hurt, it was because my heart was also hurting, my mind just didn't want my heart to feel the pain so it hurt itself. that doesn't make sense, but i know that's the reason.

i told her that it was okay, and slowly tried to hug her, but her cast was too stiff, so i didn't.she was smiling while trying to hug me, and so did i. and it seems that each time that i came across this place, my heart would always beat fast. and she told me that she waited everyday....then we took a walk, with me holding her other hand that wasn't broken. behind us was her father looking with pride, feeling that her daughter had found the right man.

Obviously

It’s Ike, short from my real name Mikael, or what my teachers call me Michael. It never really feels good to be called with a lot of name, but if you ask around about ‘Ike’ they probably know, especially if it’s around people who golf in KGS or Sarawak Golf Club (KGS is in Malay, you get that right?). Anyway, I’m a university student in UNIMAS, taking the business course. But because of the high living cost that my parents have to pay, I am forced to work part time. It was a pain finding part time job, especially when you don’t have that many experiences. But my father managed to pull a few strings with the club and made me one of their caddies.

The paying is good, since I haven’t starved since I started working there, and most of the staff that works there knows me personally, so in any case it was a good job. The only downside is, whenever I work with one of those successful single women or those rich trophy wives, they always flirt around with me. And because of that I asked some of my caddies’ friend to take my shift whenever they come around. It gets really annoying whenever they flirt around with you, because it’s like they are treating me like some gigolos. Like whenever I reached the balls in the hole, they would make sex puns, or whenever I reached for the golf stick they did the same.

So after a month working there, I started to caddy for dudes only, and not because I was into dudes because I seriously know I’m straight, but they always give some extra money for my good work, which involves looking away when they move the golf ball, or look for their golf balls in the water, which I know sounds really gay when you talk about it really slowly. Anyway there was this big tipper called Datuk Ra... Maybe I shouldn’t use his real name, so I’ll just call him Datuk R. he was this avid golfer, he’d go golfing every week. So I would always caddy for him, since I’m his usual guy. He tips really big, like RM 30 big for each game. He was one of my favourite golfers.

So this one particular day, he brought someone with him, I thought it was his wife at first, but when both of them came out, it was actually his daughter. At first glance it was like I saw an angel, so everyone was so into her. I caddy for her old man like always, and I tried to strike a conversation with her but she kinda just ignored or she didn’t hear me because my voice was trembling. So after the day ended, they left, and I felt like an idiot. So then the next week they came again, but this time I didn’t caddy for Datuk R, instead he asked me specifically to watch her daughter, with of course payment for the each hour. I hesitated at first but he increased the payment, so I accepted.

We were just sitting in the library, me sitting in front of her, going over some of my lecture notes, while she was reading some magazines while texting. I didn’t make any move this time because I didn’t want to look like an idiot. After awhile reading my notes, she said something.

“What are you reading there?”

“Some notes for my business class.”

“Oh so you’re a college student?”

“University actually, UNIMAS.”
“Ow same thing. Why are you working here then? Shouldn’t you be like going around campus doing college students stuff?”

“I’m a second year, and I didn’t get to stay in campus I stay at my friend’s house. And as to why I’m working here, I have to somehow survive, by working.”

“That was a mouthful of answers. So um… what was your name again?”

“Ike… and I didn’t catch your name...”

“Ow it’s Suzy Datuk R.”

We talked for hours about ourselves, and I got even to know her birthday, home address, her phone number and I found out she was the same age as me, 19. This makes her a real catch, beautiful, rich, friendly and other stuff. We hung out every week each time her dad came golfing. It turns out her old man brought her with him because she was caught drunk a few weeks ago, in mid day. So as punishment, she was forced to watch him play golf, which to her is like pure torture, but since she distracted him, I was told to babysit her. To which she reply is less torture than watching golf. But anyway we became so close that we even played snooker, and swam together in the swimming pool. It was at that moment that I’ve realized that this was too perfect; nothing was this perfect in this world. I started having doubt, but that day I spent with her in the swimming pool brought us closer, we had this unbreakable bond.

Anyway this one day she stopped coming here, and I caddy for her father like before. But the next week, it was something different, Datuk R came with someone, another car behind him, and when he came out of the car, the dude was beside him the whole time. Suzy was there too. And she seemed very intimate with that dude beside Datuk R. I was called to caddy for them again. So while the two dudes were busy golfing off, I talked with Suzy. And the truth that struck me was very shocking. It seemed that the dude that was with her was her boyfriend. He was 25, and worked as an import-export marketer. And according to her, about three hours later, some useless information, but it was kinda like a warning, since she said that the dude was a black belt in Tae Kwon Doe, meaning a dangerous killing machine. That day turn out even worst than I expected, while I was parking the buggy, I saw the two of them kissing in front of the fountain. It hurt my feelings. Doesn’t she know that I like her in a way that a friend shouldn’t like a friend; I wanted more from her, not just friendship. but obviously, she’s out of my league, I’m wasting my time cause she’ll never be mine, and I know I’ll never be good enough for her. It all ended. I decided to stop working there, with the excuse that I wanted to focus on my studies.

Convincingly enough, it was my finals for semester three, so there was no question asked to me when I stopped working. After finishing my finals, I enjoyed quite a bit, so a few weeks later I started working as a waiter at some restaurant. My caddy friends sometimes hang out with me, like watching movie or just go out for a drink. So during one of those time, they said that Datuk R was looking for me, always asking for me, but they told me I stopped working. Suzy also asked around for me there. I know she was looking for me, I receive like a dozen miss calls from her, and some text messages to me. I changed my number so she couldn’t get a hold of me anymore. I started working hard and studying really hard, so I could get some high paying job somewhere and settle down with a really hot trophy wife.

FIVE YEARS LATER….

I just came back from Milan to close the deal with some company there. The business world is a really how should I say it, a dog eat dog world. Really rough, and if you’re not tough enough, you’ll end up losing that big contract. I’m one of the executive marketing directors in my friends company. Work my way up from a normal marketing officer for two years. At least one of my dreams came through. Because of the ruthless working hours, I had no time for my personal life. I haven’t had a relationship in like 13 month.

Anyway, I was supposed to close down the deal with a local company, and I was supposed to meet them in like 15 minutes. I was in a rush; I drove really fast and parked my car. Thankfully I arrive just in time. It was at this hotel, at Hilton. They were waiting there, two old dudes and a woman. I was alone, which means that the deal will close down today. One of the old dudes turned his head called the waiter to ask for something. I realized that I recognize him; it was Datuk R, so called out to him. He looked at me and recognizes me and kept calling me the caddy. He asked me what I was doing there and so I told him, I was scheduled to meet him there. He was shocked to know that he was going to be my client. And so he insisted me to sit down.

The woman that was beside Datuk R, she was quite familiar. Then she removed her glasses, and said, “Well if it isn’t Ike. How are you?”

It was her, Suzy. As it turns out she worked for her father now. After sealing the deal, I asked Suzy out. And starting from there, my dreams slowly started to come true. What happened to her was, after I stopped contacting her, she started to drop by the university and looked for me there, but I wasn’t always there, so she just hung out there everyday. She liked the atmosphere, and so a few months later her dad let her continue her studies overseas. So while she was overseas, that 25 year old dude that was her boyfriend broke up with her. And now after graduating, Datuk R gave her a position in his company. And from today, after I sealed the deal, I will start working with her. When we were out that night, she told me that I wasn’t dreaming when I wanted to be with her, and she wasn’t out of my league. She stared at me, and from that moment on, I know that we were meant to be together, and it’s obvious.

the eyes don't lie

the first kiss changes everything, even when it doesn't seem a like the first one. but things does change, like you'll become closer to the one that you love. but that wasn't the case with me, all she does after our first kiss was just be a bitch. she just keeps bitching around each time we go out. she would say ' what the hell is wrong with you....bla...bla ...bla' and that was the whole scene each time we go out. it really does suck, but it wasn't like this before. she was nicer before, never complain or bitch around whenever she's with me. but after my birthday, my 18th birthday i seriously doubt that she was the same again.

during my 18th birthday, we celebrated it at this beach resort with all my friends including her. we were never dating to begin with, we were sorta close friend. the kiss was like a spur of the moment, or more of the spur of the half drunken moment. the party was wild, some were even running around naked, but i kinda dig the naked chick, but when i saw some guys naked it kinda turned me off. to get away from the noise and the naked dudes, i took a walk on the beach. i took a couple of drinks, so i was a little off my game, just a little.

i sat at one of the dead tree and faced the ocean. i talked to myself about things that i don't even know about. so suddenly she came and sat next to me.

"Happy birthday Max! cool party! rocking high!!!"

"Ugh...Hey Kelly. cool party? sure if naked dudes are cool, maybe to Azzra. but i'm not enjoying it."

"Owh.. Weiner Fest!"

"Yeah this sucks. plus i don't have anyone secial to celebrate it with."

"Taylor left you? that bitch. how could she?"

"she cheated on me, and i left her."

"ow yeah, that reminds me. i didn't bring you any present."

"its o.."

she kissed me. it came out of nowhere. it doesn't look like she's drunk or anything, but i'm a little drunk. it was a long kiss. there was even tounge action. i didn't care, but all of a sudden, she realized that she was kissing me, and backed off.

"i'm...sorry Max."

"i..uhh...i don't know what to say.."

"so what now?"

we just sat there staring at each other, i never realize this before but she has the most amazing eyes. i never thought of her as girlfriend material, because she hanged out with me like everyday, and was like my wingwoman. but when she kissed me, it all seemed like everything that i did before was insignificant.

and that was how i we ended up together. i never realized that, but after spending the next few years together, we kinda decided to get married.

She's my wife now, and the most perfect life i had now was about to become more perfect as she was pregnant. i'm going to be the most happiest man.

happy together, like moonlit night..

fourteen, i'm only fourteen, and i've been given this big responsibility. i mean i'm much too young, but she insisted. huh, it is such a waste of time. i would rather spend my time going jamming or even studying, even studying. but like i've said before, she insisted. i don't even like her that much. but she is my girlfriend after all, my silly "sweetheart" Jenny.

we met at tuition class, spent some time together, and next thing i knew, she asked me to be her boyfriend. she has the looks, the smarts, the money, the niceness and everything, but i never took notice of them. she would call me Zacky, sweet-Z, fuzzy?... it really does make me sick. her school is really near my school, or to be exact, just in front of mine.so she would ask me to meet her at the bus stop everyday. and she even cooked lunch for me. plus she spent a lot of time with my family, and she's really close to my mum. so in any case if i were to break up with her, my mum would ask me to get back with her.

though she's like a common cold, like i could never get her away from me, but we never fight, we never even yelled each other. and i never made her cry. until this very day, it was the battle of the band season, and i was busy practicing with my band. she would always be there, so it kinda distracted my band from playing, but i never really care. the battle was getting near, and we never get to practice fully, so the tension kinda grew more tense, and i myself had anger issue, so i missed some notes, and riffs, and my band blamed me for ruining the song. i kinda lost my sense there, and yelled at Jenny for no apparent reason. she stared at me really long, and then cried, then she ran away from the studio. i didn't care a bit about her. but my band told me that i was being unreasonable, and i didn't have to get angry at her. i thought that they were just over reacting, she's okay, i'm gonna see her again tomorrow. but that night she didn't called like always, so for the first time ever, i called her. but all i got was the mailbox. so i kinda didn't care, and thought maybe she's asleep.

the next day after school, she didn't show up at the bus stop. that i kinda felt weird, going home alone on the bus is kinda weird, she would usually yap away about her day at school, and then she asked about mine. but i did manage to arrive home, and continued my day as usual. my mom asked me, if i have seen Jenny, but i said she didn't went to school today. yeah thats it, she must be sick or have some family issues. but i didn't feel right, so i told the guys from the band that i'm not feeling good. that night i waited for her call, but i didn't get any, so i tried calling again, but no answer, still the mailbox. i have a bad feeling, good thing tomorrows Saturday, i decided to go to her house.

next morning, i took the morning bus which was kinda crowded, and went to her house. it was only 9 and the bus is already crowded. i arrived at her house, and asked her mother where she is. my mother said that she has been locking her self in her room while turning the music really loud. and that she didn't went to school because she was out all day, and only came back at night.
i'm really starting to feel that there is something wrong.

so i called some of her friend, and they all said that they haven't seen her. i asked them where does she usually hang out, and i got a list of the places she would be. all day i spent looking for her at the places they stated. but she wasn't there, anywhere, starbucks, coffee bean, the cinema, parkson, boulevart, the spring, everywhere! where is she? why can't i find her. the last place that i was on my list is the place she and i would hang out at night during the weekend, the water tower. i climbed the ladder and faced the city, we would hang out here at night, she would put her head on my shoulder and everything. but i'm starting to think, that maybe after what i did, she must be avoiding me the whole week. and maybe after a few days, she's gonna break up with me. i heavily breath to control my emotion, then sat down, where i would always sit down next to her. the water tower was the place of our first date. first date, i never even get to kissed her. so i just sat there. as i sat i heard a sound of guitar strumming coming from nearby, it sounded just like my song, the song that my band plays, titled " Just Us Two", but more slow and kinda more romantic than alternative. i started to search where the sound was coming form, and i notice it came from the other end of the water tower.

i found her. she was here, on the water tower. she was playing the guitar, strumming my song.

"Um.. Jenny? Where have you been? i've been looking for you for 3 days. i'm worried that something might have happen."

"i've been spending time here, practicing your song on the guitar that i bought yesterday."

"you bought a guitar?"

"yeah, i mean that was what you were into, so i kinda thought if i played too, you might wanna spend more time with me."

"you did all this? skip school, and practice all day. i haven't really appreaciated you that much."

"you do, its me that don't apreaciate you. you spent a lot of time with me, and all i did was get in your way of band practice."

"no, that was my fault, i shouldn't have yelled. it wasn't right. i love you."

"no its.. wait what did you say?"

"it wasn't right?"

"no after that..."

" i love you?"

"its the first time you've ever said that. other than the song that you've written for me to show that you love me."

"yeah, i think you're right, it is the firsst time i said them. and what song?"

"uh.. Just Us Two? the lyrics really give it all away."

that song, i never really thought about it. but it i wrote about it after our first date, so it kinda is a song for her. i just nodded my head. she smiled, and stood up. she put down the guitar, and hugged me, i never really did took notice but her eyes, they were beatiful, althought technically it was like any other people's eyes, but it was special to me. she stared at me back, and slowly kissed me. our first kiss, i found out that she is what makes me happy, she is my inspirations, she is my sweetheart, and she's my girlfriend. i'm not afraid to say it no more. and i'm never gonna treat her bad anymore. i learned my lesson. and i'll always remember that.