Waiting a long time

It has been one year, since I came back from my studies in Jordan. The things that I have seen here and the things that I must live with, every night my housemates comes home drunk, all three of them. My name is Yunus, people call me ‘Shark’, but I never like that name, I liked it before I went to further my studies in Jordan, but I am older, so the name kinda grew out from me. now I just go by the name Nas now. My housemates are Joe, Don, and Al. each of them are my old friend, and we work at the same company, but at different divisions. Like Joe he works in the creative department, Don in marketing, Al in import export and me in human resources. We hang out in the day like normal friends, but by night I stay away from them, I used to follow them when we used to only play snooker, or darts, but since they started drinking, it’s a different story, I only follow them once in a while, usually to be their driver. But I don’t mind, since I enjoy the drive and the fresh air, but the occasional scotch scent or vodka scent does annoy me sometime, they are very tempting, much like a girl that wears very revealing clothes and dancing in front of you. I used to live like them before my studies, but after living years abroad, and hating my judgment to live there, but I finally accepted what my purpose there was.

The story is really simple, after my SPM I started to go out with my friends at night, we drank until we started to throw up, we ‘rented’ any woman we can ‘rent’ and heck we even stayed at one club until it closed in the morning. So that was my life, and I thought it was gonna be better when I left for college, but as fate would have brought it, I was chosen to go to Jordan, to further my study in social psychology. I never thought I would end up there, because I always thought that I’d go to Amsterdam, and I would get smashed during class, bang some hot chicks at night, and spend my weekends getting high while listening to some Dutch rock band, or English indie band. But it was my only offer, and my other choice was to find some private universities, but my parent didn’t want me to turn down the offer, because it was a full sponsorship. It was PLKN all over again. The only reason that I think I got in is because I took that extra subject, Arabic Language. I didn’t regret taking those lessons but I really regret passing them. The only reason I took Arabic is because I always wanted to pick up chicks using foreign language, and since nobody ever tried picking up chicks using Arabic I took them, it made me stand out from all the guys, but it also made me go to Jordan.

While I was studying my parent didn’t want me to go back to Kuching, maybe they didn’t want me to go and get smashed with my friends back there, or maybe they just didn’t want me back. But I figured that they wanted me to be a pious guy, but I wasn’t, so I’m not going to be a hypocrite. The first two years was hard, I’ve only have 2 friends and they are Arabic dude, who only talks to me in Arabic or English, but mostly Arabic, since they dig my accent so much. I never thought I would use the language to talk with dudes. I never went out at night mostly because there is no bar near here, even if there were, it would be miles away. And I never got drunk, because there is no alcohol. In the absent of those stuff, I got more time to spare, so I took up writing blogs. At first the only thing that I wrote about is how miserable my life is, that was until my third year, in semester six. I was involve with this freshmen welcoming session, partly I was involve because I wasn’t too active and I was one the few that can talk in three different language, Malay, English and Arabic, and I met this girl, from Malaysia, and she was perfect, and I mean in every way I can think. Her name is Mawar. She was very shy at first, but once I talked to her, she was quite friendly. And I never thought I’d fall for a girl like her, but I did. It took me quite some time to figure out that I was in love with her, and my Arab roommate helped make me realize that I was in love with her, and I was thankful to him. His name is Ahmed, but I call him Matt, and he liked the way I say his name, I never understood why he was so into Malay language, but I found out anyway, it turns out his mother is Malay, his father is Arabic. He’s been living in Jordan since he was small so he never learned anything about his Malay heritage.

Anyway back to my story, I was gonna make her mine, but I didn’t know how to. It was really hard to show her how I really feel for her. I tried giving flowers with a card signed with my name, but she just threw the card away. And I helped her carry her books to class, and ended up carrying all her friends’ books. That was until one night, when I finally got her to meet me alone at the library. We talked about the assignments that she was doing, which I told her I would help. Thankfully some of the new friends that I met this semester helped me get her friends away from her for some time. So there we were, we talked until I stopped explaining to her about the work. She wrote down everything I said, and while I stopped talking, she wrote something else. There I had my momentum, I was gonna express my feeling to her right now.

“Um.. Mawar?”
“Yes, brother Nas?”
“I have to tell you something.”
“What is it? Is it about the calculations that you’ve been telling me about?”
“No, it’s something else. It has something to do with me and you.”
“Me? Is it about the new campus rule?”
“No... Listen its hard for me to say this, especially in the library.”
“Say what?”
“Um... I really like you Mawar!”
“I know, you like me Brother Nas, I’ve always known. I know you sent me those flowers, and all those chocolates. But I’m here to study, I have long years ahead of me, and so do you. I can’t just waste my life with love, I have to be a devout Muslim and think about what others might see me as, if they see me going out with you. You’re not like any of the other guys here, you’re like a libertarian. I know about those blogs you wrote. And I also know that you’re a drinker. But I can’t I’m sorry. But if you really love me, then you’ll change, and you’ll wait.”
“I…”

I couldn’t finish those sentences. It was the first time I ever got rejected. And it hurts. And somehow, I know that she likes me too, but with all I’ve done before in my life, I don’t think I can repent. I knew that I have to change, but I don’t know how, I love her so, but I don’t know what to do. After we were done with the assignments, I grabbed all my stuff, and walk quickly without looking back, I think I heard her calling my name, but I acted as thought I didn’t hear her. As I reached my room, I threw all my stuff on my study table, and jumped on my bed. I turned my laptop MP3 player on and the song Only You suddenly came on. It kinda described how I felt at the moment, and I cried silently, and I cried in my dream, and then I cried hard while I was taking a shower. Then I was ok. I started to realize all my mistakes; I have to change, not for her, not for anyone, but for me. I have to stop writing those blogs, and stop hating my life so much, and start doing what is right. I have to be on the right path again. I have to find Allah again. After that incident I started going to all my class, and attending those nightly Quran sessions that they held at the mosque. I was a newborn Muslim. I am really starting to feel the change, with all those things occupying me, I started acing all my classes, and almost forgotten about Mawar.

I spent almost everyday studying, and praying, and performing my duties to my religion. And due to this change in me, I started to make new friends, best friends, Matt became my best friend here, and we started to hang out, and I even thought him how to speak Malay. And even on occasions I hung out with Mawar and her gang, but I never got close enough to even speak with her. She would only smile at me from a far away, and so did I.

And then finally it was my final semester in University of Jordan, and I just finished my final examination. I’m expecting good result on this paper. I started packing, since my parent was already here a week before my final paper, it was the third time they visited me here, and probably is the last. I’ve already befriended everyone in campus, old and young, stupid and smart, heck I even make friends with the janitor. This was probably my last day spent here in Jordan, aside from my graduation day to come next year.

My things were all packed and ready. I said my goodbye to all my friends, especially to Matt, and since he was my best friends, or more like a brother to me, it was really sad to leave him. But as it turns out, he decided to work in Kuching, because his father’s company is establishing a branch in Malaysia based in Kuching. And he was supposed to be the manager there. So it didn’t turn out to be a sad depart but more of a happy news. He was going to Kuching next week.

Then I met with Mawar, she was the girl that changed me, she made me changed. If I never met her I would have never change, it kinda feels awkward for me to say goodbye to her. She smiled at me, like she always does. And we talked about something unimportant which I do not remember, but I do remember what she said afterwards.

“Well brother Nas, I’m really happy for you.”
“Thanks Mawar. I really appreciate it.”
“He he... I never got to say what I wanted to say to you before.”
“What do you want to say?”
“Well after that day that I told you all those things, I actually wanted to tell you that I also like you. Even when our eyes first meet, at that freshmen meet that day. I never thought that you’d change so drastically. But it was better this way, you a better person than you were before.”
“Yea, I’m happy with what I’d done. And I didn’t regret changing. It was all worth it, all the friends I’ve met, and especially you. And like you said that day, if I love you so much, then I’ll wait. And that’s what I’ll do. I’ll wait for you to come back.”
“Thanks for remembering that. Will you promise me?”
“I promise you, I’ll wait.”

She smiled again, and we said goodbye one last time.

It’s been exactly one year. 3rd of January, the day that I came back from Jordan, and today I’m picking up my fiancé from the airport, she’s coming here to marry me after finishing her studies. While I waited I met this guy named Saf who just came from KL that said he was meeting his girlfriend who he promised to come back to. I met him at McDonald eating a big Mac next to my table. Then after he said goodbye, the announcement saying the arrival of my fiancé’s airplane was made. I stood up and waited outside the arrival hall. She wore red kebaya, and a matching red scarf, she already took her bags and saw me outside. I smiled at her, and felt that all that waiting was worth it.

“Mawar. Welcome back my sayang…”

far away, but never gone...

it has been 13 years since my last visit to Sarawak, i was about 5 at the time. my mom and dad just got a divorce, so i spent one week in Sarawak, and one week in K.L. there was nothing i could do about their relationship, since they haven't seen in other in 12 years. in my I.C it is written Mohamad Safar Bin Ismail, but i barely knew my father. the only man that i knew while growing up is my grandfather, the only reason is because me and my mom live with them, and by them i mean my grandmother and grandfather. my dad visits sometime, but he only sees me for a couple of days, usually when he has a meeting in K.L, or he's on his way somewhere overseas, but mostly he works from his office in Kuching. but enough about them, this story is not about them at all, its about me, Saf, and this girl that i met, whose name i will tell as you read on...


i go to a private college in K.L, or to be specific in Cyberjaya. most of the year i spent with my friends and my cousins in K.L, but this year was a little different, since most of my friend are somewhere in Europe or America, and my cousins are spending time with their family, my mom decided to send me to my father in Sarawak. i pleaded to her so that i don't have to go, but she insisted in me going. i was a little sour when she sent me to the airport, but since she gave me a whole lot of money to be spent there i smiled a little. i waved goodbye to her as she left me alone at the airport. 1 or 2 hours later, i was in Kuching airport.i was amazed, the airport changed a lot from what i remembered, it looked almost as good as KLIA, but not good enough. i waited for my bags to come, i brought about 4 bags for about 3 month here. my dad was already outside waiting. he waved at me and i just nodded my head and walked to him with the trolley filled with my bags. as i walked outside, i saw this most breathtaking sight, which was the new airport's outside. i kinda like it, it suits my mood. and another surprise is that kuching have more fly-over than i can remember, last i came here, Satok was the only place that has a fly-over. but K.L has tons of those things, i mean why do i even bother with these stupid things, i'm telling a story about this girl that i met, and i'm still not telling her name.


i arrive at my father's house. he lived alone, in this really big house all the way in Matang. we didn't talk much, probably because i don't know what to talk about to him, and the only topic that i could think of was how much Kuching changed, but that didn't go far. we arrived at home, the lights were already home, it was bigger than our house in K.L. then at home, i noticed there was someone else in the house because when he didn't used the key, instead he ringed the bell. someone opened the door, i hoped it was not some girl, and it wasn't, it was just my cousin, Danny. i wondered what he was doing here, and my father said he was staying here because his parents is on a honeymoon in Monaco or italy or something. Danny is just 13 years old. i brought my bags to my room, which my father said is upstairs, i opened the door and saw this room, which was like those fancy hotel room, it wasn't to my liking but i guess it will do. i placed my bags into the closet, and jumped on the bed. the room had a HDTV, airconditioning, and its own bathroom. i feel like i'm sleeping in a hotel, only there's no room service, and its free.


i called my mom to tell her that i've arrived at dad's house, and i also told her that about how much kuching have changed too. somehow i felt sleepy all of a sudden, so i turned the tv off, switched off the lights and closed my eyes. but as i closed my eyes i couldn't sleep, so i toss and turned but i still couldn't i guess its because i'm not used to the place yet, so instead i got off the bed and walked to the balcony, figuring probably after some fresh air i could get some sleep.


then while i was standing on the balcony, i saw some lights from a motorcycle or scooter or something, and a few moments later i heard the sound, it was a scooter. i looked even more closer to the scooter and noticed it was a girl riding the scooter. my house was in front of a corner, and it was a hard bend corner, i notice that there was a car coming from the opposing direction, and the car didn't have the lights turned on, and i wanted to warn her but it was too late, she did manage to evade the car but she was thrown in front of the gate of to my house. i just had to help her.


i ran downstairs and noticed that my dad was still in his studies, doing work, so i didn't bother calling him, so i quickly ran downstairs opened the front door, and the front gate. she managed to get the scooter off her but she was still on the ground. i ran to help her. i gave her my hand and she grabbed mine, she tried but she couldn't get up, so i gave her a little pull. she did managed to stand with my help, but her legs were bleeding.


"er.. your leg is bleeding. do you need any help?"

"no its fine, i can still walk, just barely anyway."

"don't worry, lets go inside, i'll fix the cut for you"

"you'd do that for me? thanks."



i gave her my shoulder so she could walk a little bit, and a few shoulder later, we were in front of my house, next she was on the sofa. my dad then came down to find out what i was doing there.



"Saf, really? you've only been here only a couple of hours and you're already bringing home some girl."


"no dad, she was in an accident outside, i helped her. and she's bleeding, do you have any medical kits here?"


" in the kitchen, next to the cutlery."


i ran to the kitchen and grabbed the medical kit, and i wondered why he put it next to the knife and stuff. maybe cause he cuts himself everytime he uses the knife. anyway, i walked to the living room, and opened the kit in front of her. i used the cotton to wipe her blood, and dipped another balls of cotton with iodine.


"its gonna sting a little," then i slowly tapped the cotton on her cut, she bit her a tounge to ease the pain, but i knew she was still in pain. alter i used the bandage to wrap her legs.


there, its all better now."


"thanks, how come you're so good at this?"


"ow, you know, i used to be in the National Service and all."


"oh, i forgot to introduce myself, i'm Hani,"


"i'm Saf, nice to meet you Hani,"


"nice to meet you too, freaky way to meet ain't it?well i best be going then."


"wait do you want me to send you? your leg is still in bandages,"


"its okay, i only live a few houses from yours,"


"then i'll walk you there. your scooter is kinda totaled"


"thanks again."



i showed her the way out. i told my dad that i was sending her home, and then i went out. she was still limping, but it wasn't like before. i pulled her scooter so it could stand, and tried to start it, and it started, but i noticed the tyres were all messed up, so riding the scooter was out of the question. she looked at me, and wanted to grab the handle of the bike, but i wouldn't let her, instead i myself towed the scooter. we walkes side by side, while i pushed the scooter. we talked about stuff, and what kind of stuff i wasn't sure, but it had something to do with what i'm studying and about my dad and my mom. we reached her house, like she said, it wasn't that far from my house, i parked her scooter under the porch. she thanked me again, and i said welcome. i told her to change the bandages in a couple more hours. she smiled at me, and i smiled back. i said my goodbye, but before i left she grabbed my shoulder and as i turned around, she gave me a little kiss on the cheeks, it was a surprise to me, but it felt kinda nice, and kinda right. i said goodbye again to her, and waved at her. i couldn't get the stupid grin off my face, and it didn't went away, even when i was on the bed that night, and probably when i was asleep too, since i dreamt of her that night.

that morning i woke up and that grin was still on my face. i seriously couldn't get that grin off my face. even my dad thinks that grin is stupid, and my little cousin. then i remembered that Danny had an older brother, Dini, who is the same age as me. and it turns out he's here in Kuching too, and but he's still at this camp, thats why Danny is staying here, just untill he's back tomorrow. meanwhile i had to stay here and do nothing. i stopped grinning, and asked my dad if i can borrow his car, and he gave the key to his CR-V.


it took for me quite some time to get used to the car, since back in KL i drive a Kenari, and the CR-V is a little different, but i got used to it. i drove around a few houses then i noticed that i was already in front of Hani's house. i dont really know what i'm doing there but somehow i just gotta meet her again, i was gonna honk but she came out of the house. her hair was tied in this different way than any girl would tie their hair, so that is what i remember about her. she saw me and ran to my car.

"what are you doing here Saf?"
"you know, i was gonna see how you are feeling, after that fall and all."
"i'm fine."
"how's the cut?"
"its okay, its better than it was last night."
"you know what, i'll cut this bullcrap now. i was gonna do this slowly but, do you wanna go for a ride with me? show me aroud Kuching?"
"i'm not sure me 'riding' with you is such a good idea,"
"uh, bad choice of words there."
"why would you wanna around Kuching?"
"i'm a KL boy, so i dont know my way around here. i'm in desperate need of a guide."
"okay, i will show you around this city."

she showed me everything there is to show around Kuching, and she even showed me where the best food place is, and from what she said, and from what i've eaten, i would probably say that Suhai is my favourite place. we spent the entire day and night just driving around Kuching. untill it was very late,then i sent her home. i drove back to my house, and slept easily, with no stupid grin on my face.

the next morning, Danny woke me up to tell me that my father wanted me to pick up Dini from his camp in Damai. so i did what he told me, mostly because i wanted to see that guy again, the last time we met was when i was still i form 1, in Genting, and that was just by accident. anyway, the drive was long, since Damai was like on the edge of this place, but its a nice place if you wanna chill at a beach. when i arrived, Dini was already waiting with his bag by his side, wearing sunglasses, a cap and those mod scarf (the plaided kind). wow he looked so indie rock, or more like mod, or something in between. i unlocked the door, and Danny opened the door and called out to Dini. he noticed us and ran to the car. he placed his bags inside. only when he was inside that he noticed that it was me.

"Saf?"
"Yeah Its me, hey Dini!"
"dude, how long has it been?"
"i think 4 or 5 years?"
" yeah i think so."

we talked all the way back form Damai, and we talked about everything. and i even told him about my meeting with Hani. i asked him what he was doing at Damai, and he said it was for this seminar on advertising or something. i didn't pay enought attention to it. i sent him back to his house in Gita, but he insisted that Danny stay with my dad, because he was going out, and by the looks of it, out all night. he took out his own car, which was a pearl whiteVios. when i saw that i was amazed, it was so shiny, like a new coin, or a metal foil, or a bald guy's head. after i sent Danny back to my house, Dini came to pick me up. he said we were going out to play snooker and hit the town, which of course means go to some bar or club.

i wanted to call Hani to bring her with me, but somehow, i just didn't want to ruin a guy's night out by bringing a girl. so i only texted her the entire time. we hungout the whole night, and then we came home at about 12 or later, but when we got home, i saw an ambulance parked in front of Hani's house. i felt something was wrong, so i asked Dini to drive oevr to her house. it was Hani on the stretcher, being put into the ambulance. i knew something was up, so i got out and asked her mother what happened, and it turns out that she fell down the stairs. so i followed the ambulance to the hospital, with Dini on the wheels. we slept at the hospital that night.

i woke up at 6, and asked the reception where Hani's ward is. it was located at level 4, the bone department. it turns out she broke her leg after falling down. when i was in the ward, her mother greeted me, and started to act as if i;m the first guy friend that she has. and as her mother started to talk it turns out that i was. she said that the reason that she doesn't have any guy friend is because she's really clumsy. but i never recall her being clumsy when i was around her. she woke up a few moments later, and was blushing when she saw me in the ward with her mother. i asked where her father is, and she replied back that he was in europe. then her mother started rambling about how when she was little, she used to fall down bicycles and stuff, and that every guy that she ever encountered was too foolish to get used to her being clumsy, so they never stay. but her mother was thankful that i didn't run when i heard that she broke her leg. i promised her that i won't go. and i got close to Hani after her mother left to buy some food, and slowly told her that i won't leave her, and gave her a little peck on the cheek. she smiled at me, and started to blush. then i told her that i was going home to change my clothes. Dini drove me home, and i changed. i drove my own car to the hospital, and spent my time with her there.

everyday i went to the hospital to check on her, and helped her with therapy for her leg to start walking again. her mother was impressed with what i'm doing for her, and when i was alone with her mother while Hani was in the doctor's office, her mother said that she never made it more than a day without breaking or cutting or even damaging any part of her body by accident. and she thanked me. i only smiled back, since i know that in 2 more weeks that i won't be in Kuching anymore.

my dad knew that i have been spending my time with her at the hospital, he even gave me gas money everyday. Hani was ready to go home, i drove her home with her mother beside her. her legs were still in a cast, but she can walk a little bit. when she was home, my dad came to visit her, and so did Dini. i helped move her around, and for dinner i brought her out to eat at Suhai, it was like her favourite. i'm going back to KL in four more days, i told her already, she seemed okay. it was my last night to eat with her, since tomorrow i had to eat with my dad, then with Dini, then with my other family on my father's side. that night while i was eating, she stared at my me so i stopped eating and looked back at her.

"what's wrong?"
"ow, nothing."
"i'm sorry i have to leave, but its just that i live there."
"its okay. i just wanna say thank you. thank you for helping me go through all this, i don't think i was gonna survive another broken part."
"i did it because i wanted too."
"i kinda like it when you're around, i never feel like i'm gonna screw up or anything, maybe that's why i didn't fall or anything when i was out with you last three weeks. it's like you give me balance, or its like you give me another pair of legs."
"maybe its because when i walk with you, i always held your hand."
"maybe that's it. thanks for always holding my hands, even when they are are cold as ice."
"i promise that i won't forget you. and i did promise not to leave you, i'm sorry i have to break that promise. i'll be back in a few more weeks."

she smiled at me, and a little drop of tear started rolling down her cheeks, i used a tissue paper to rub it off her. after we ate, i helped her into my car. then i drove her home. just in front of her house, i helped her out of the car, and sent her to the door.her father was already home, so i didn't bother to go in, i only sent her up to her front door. before she went in, she gave me one long kiss.

and after i went back to KL, i never forgot about her. i promised that i was coming back, and i will. i'm buying the ticket to Kuching right now. :)