Sorry

Being an adult is tough work, no one can deny that claim, but if you know how to handle every menial thing in your life, you'll get by. i wished it wasn't like that, i used to be free spirited, not labeled as a Hippie, but free as in i don't have a fucking care in the world. Clubs, alcohols and girls, those were my vices, but as i grew older, i find out that it got boring as soon as we tried all of them.

after graduating i got my first job, first month of pay, bought the whole club for a private party with all of my friends and family and colleagues invited. then second month, had to pay the rent, third month, bought a car, electricity bills, etc. then everything changed, i became a wild guy, to the guy who works late and slept at the office. how time flies, it was as if yesterday i was 22.

Being such a good worker, i never had the chance to get my love life on track. i had a few girlfriends, bu none that lasted more than a month. had a few flings and one night stands, but that's it. but the numbers grew less and less. In college, i counted how many women I'd conquered. now the number dwindles, and i rarely think about women and now focused on my work.

but enough about this, I'm not gonna talk about the boring part of my life. this is everyday in my life, or at least a year in my life. what I'm gonna tell you is a story of regret, a story of life, a story that changed me. My name is Eddy.

whatever i told you before is not very interesting. now here's a story from my past.

it happened one night during semester break.

i was 21. Young, wild and free, in the words of Wiz Khalifa. but nonetheless, i was still naive, still new to this world, but most of all, still a virgin. my eyes was opened at the age of 21, first drink,first trip to a club, and first time having a one night stand. before, i was a good kid, well now I'm a better man from all these experiences, but from that age i became wild. now thankfully I'm not like that.

the first girl that i met while having fun, her name was Aurora, she was older than me, but she looked fresh and young. we met while i was tipsy, and moving like an ass on the dance floor. she took my hand, we danced, took a couple of shots, and then the magic happened. my very first sexual experience. she was the first among the many one night stands i had, but she was different from the rest.

we dated for 3 weeks, but then i disappeared. lost all contact with her. my friend said she was looking for me but i didn't want to see her. changed my number, and went out of town for 2 month. then everything was back to normal. i know what i did was terrible but, that was what i was, a terrible example of human being.

 a year passed, one of my friend died, i decided it was time to change my life. Life's too short to waste just like that. i decided to go out less, focus more on my studies, drink less, but i became a chain smoker, perhaps due to stress, but other than that i was proud i changed.

now back to the present moment.

I'm 25 now. a part of the working system, contributing to society in my field of work, that is journalism. but hell I'm lonely. i had this one relationship that lasted almost a year, but she cheated, so i dumped her. now i have relationship that last not less than 3 month. i got an award for this story i wrote on humanitarian work done in Africa, so I'm a bit well known. my face was on the front page of the magazine which i work for.

Then, everything changed,

 so this one day i was writing about a charity event for single mothers in my city, i interviewed the chairman, the PR officer, and some of the mothers that the event benefited. until i interviewed this one mother, she seemed familiar.

"Excuse me ma'am, i would like to have your take on this event, and by the way my name is..." she turned to me and smiled.
"Eddy, you don't remember me do you?" a somewhat familiar voice.
"Aurora? Is that you?" the questions i was suppose to ask her for the interview slip my mind, and suddenly all the memories from my past came back.
"Yes Ed. its me." she said with a soothing voice.
"I..., I'm sorry.. I mean, its nice to see you again. and in such a long time. how long has it been?" i stuttered.
"4 years, nice to see you. i see you've become what you have been aiming for all those times." i almost forgot, i told her about my hopes and dreams every night. but i was still dazed.
"So.. uh.. What are you doing here?" i asked her in a very monotone voice, hoping she hadn't harbored any uneasy feeling all these years, especially after i disappeared a few years back.
"I'm here for ..." before she could finished her sentences, a girl was running and hugging her legs.
"Mummy!!! They are not playing nice." the little girl cried while holding her legs.

Aurora got on her knees, and wiping her face. then she held her hands. and faced me back.

"She's the reason I'm here." she smiled, but i sensed a bit of fear in her voice.
"Oh, why hello there. My name is Eddy, and I'm a reporter. Whats your name sweet little angel?" i asked the little girl.
"My name is Deanna." she stuttered, introducing herself to me. then she hid behind Aurora's legs.
"Sweet kid." i smiled.
"Um, Eddy i think i better go, we've been here all day, and i think Deanna's a bit tired." she picked the girl up  held her in her arms. "say goodbye to the nice man sweetie," and she walked away, but not before i gave her my card.

After the meeting, i went back to my job and interviewed other candidates. but i still can't get Aurora out of my mind. She still has the same vibe surrounding her, that fresh and young vibe i felt the first time i met her.

The next day at the office, i was finishing up the article i wrote about the event, when suddenly i received a call. It was Aurora, and she said she wanted to meet with me for lunch. i agreed and finished up the article. as soon as i sent it to the editor i packed my stuff and went out for lunch.

we met at this restaurant in town, where they served the best coffee, one of my favorite spot in Kuching. i sat there and waited for her to come, while constantly checking my phone, waiting for the text from my editor.

Then i saw her walking in, and she saw me at the table and made her way to the table. she sat, and ordered a coffee. we sat there in a moment of silence, but i broke it asking her about her day. she seemed distressed, but i ignored it. i started a conversation about her jobs and so on. then i came to ask her about her daughter. she fell silent for a while, staring straight at me.

"that's what I'm here to talk about Ed." she said with a serious tone. i felt this sudden hard feeling in my stomach.
"About Deanna, she's four years old you know." Aurora stated the age of her daughter. I suddenly panicked.
"that's good to hear." i swallowed my coffee.
"Ed, err, how should i put this in a manner that won't scare you.. hm. Deanna is sort of, um, your daughter." then i almost spit my coffee out. but instead i calmly placed the cup on the table, and, mind you I'm exaggerating, started to pull my hair.
"What do you mean he's my daughter?" i asked her in a calm and assertive way.

Aurora began telling me the story of how i fathered a child i am not aware of. after i disappeared, she was trying to find me, trying to tell me that she was pregnant. she didn't know what to do, she was lost. she went to doctor, and wanted to abort the child, but at the last second she decided against it. She couldn't bare the thought of killing her unborn child. She decided to keep the baby. but it wasn't easy, she was ashamed of what happened, she fought with her parents, got disowned, and the only place she could be safe was with her sister. but after the baby was born, it was like a miracle, her parents was in good terms with her, she found a good paying job, and the baby she gave birth to was beautiful. although she raised the baby without a father, a.k.a me, she managed to bring her up very good.

A little tear came out of my eye. suddenly i burst into an apologetic outburst, saying I'm sorry for everything. she didn't blamed me, she only smiled and thanked me, for changing her life. i felt guilty for letting her go through this alone, i felt like i should have been there. should have been a father. Aurora grabbed my hands and said something that made me smile.

"Will you be there for Deanna after this?"

i wiped the tears of my face and held her hands tight, and hoped my answer will make things right again.

"Yes."

-The End-