Damien. a name thats similiar to Bob Marley's son. and coincidentally my father is also a musician, but not really, he produces music for people, finishing touches and everything. but anyway, this is my story, a story of how stupid this life really is. i go to this local college, public college, that is. i'm taking a course also in music, hoping that i'll inherit what my father do, but what i want is actually to play music, but i could never write anything good to sing to. my father said that in time i'll know what to write about. but i'm not just cut out to write, maybe i'm cursed to only do covers for the rest of my life.
anyway, i'm in my second year in college, and being on the dean list really made me one lonely guy, not lonely as in a guy with no friends, i got friends, but lonely as in i've not met any girl that would go out with me, its not that they wouldn't go out with me, its that i couldn't go out with them, cause i'm always too busy. even if i did, i never really liked any of them anyway.
i was set to perform in the freshman gathering this month, i wasn't too thrilled about it since i always performed one song every time, and that is Elvis's 'can't help falling in love with you', cause elvis was like my favourite singer. but i was going to sing something else. i chose can't take my eyes off of you, cause i heard Muse made a cover of that song, but i'm not going to do it like Muse, i'm gonna it like the original version. so the night before the performance, i practiced.
Day of the performance. it was a huge hit, since they expect me to do it like Muse, but i didn't. but they still sure liked it. i packed back my guitar and while i was packing near the stage, next to the emcee booth, i heard this most beautiful voice, i wasn't sure why i find it beautiful, but i just did.
The voice said,"Could you tell them that someone is blocking my car? its a black...."
and after she was done, i turned around, and saw only her back. my friend was the mc. she was walking towards her car. i asked my friends what her name was, but he didn't know. so i tried running after her, but i lost her half way. plus i didn't pay attention to what she was saying, so i didn't know which was her car.
i thought to myself, why even bother with someone you'll probably won't meet again tomorrow, so i didn't, but i couldn't stop thinking about her. that night, i dreamt of her, and i awoke in the middle of the night. i didn't dream of her specifically, i dreamt that she kept calling my name, and her voice was the only thing that i heard. so in the case of midnight waking, i usually listen to some tunes and then fall asleep, but that night i couldn't. there was something that i need to get off, something that i want to express. so i wrote something down. and finally i found the melody to it. i named the song Beautiful Girl.
then finally i could sleep, after finishing what i started.
i didn't see her at campus. i thought so too, since its a big place, with a lot of people i decided to keep her only in my mind, as the song goes, "you were always on my mind..." .but this one day, i had to come to class early, i didn't know why, but somehow i just had to come early. but when i came, it turns out that class was postponed to the evening. crap right? so anyway, i just chilled with my friends somewhere down near the carpark. we took a few drinks and just chilled, waiting for evening to come.
so as fate might have it, something coincidental actually happened. there was this black car coming in, and parked a few cars away from where we hung out, the car has the most beautiful plate number, which is my birthday, 9004, and i thought to myself, how cool would it be to have a car with my birthday on it. as fate might have it, it was actually her, the girl from before, the one i wrote a song about. she got out of her car, and then i saw her face. i gotta admit, i've seen some beautiful face, but hers was really out of this world. i feel weird at that moment, even as my friend tossed a ball to my head i didn't feel it. my heart beat faster, and my breath was longer. is this what they call falling for someone. i try best to say hello as she walked past me, but my voice couldn't make it out. so in the end i just smiled at her, like an idiot. and even my friend told me that i smiled like an idiot.
so anyway, one of my friend that hung out with me knew who she was. he told me that her name was, Lily. huh... my favourite flower is a lily, i don't know why, but that just came into my mind for no apparent reason. okay, back to the story.
apparently my friend knew a lot about Lily, cause they used to go to school together before, and i was like ' what a coincidence' and such . the bullshit started, i was in love, but i kept it quite.
i searched her name on myspace, but i didn't found her, and then searched on facebook, i found her but i couldn't add her, so i actually added a few of her friends that could be added. but i still couldn't add her because her friends still haven't approved me yet.
so anyway, my life went on as usual.
a few month later, my friend died. i wasn't that close to him, because i just met him, but i felt like i knew him a long long time. during his funeral, i didn't come, because i was never good at funeral, but after the whole service, i visited his grave, and whispered what we talked about the last time we met. as i was walking out of the graveyard, i saw Lily walking past me, but i didn't called her because my mind was filled with thoughts of my friend, cause we only talked just last saturday, and today is wednesday.
and that was the last time i saw her that semester.
(the next semester)
starting a new semester, bought everything i need, and still living outside the campus. i just started my own band, with a few of my friends, playing alternative music, cause after that day i met her, i seemed to be flowing with music, and inspiration.
i notice that i was supposed to take a subject that i was suppose to take in my first semester but i didn't take because i didn't want to take it, and now i am forced to take it cause if i'm gonna grad next year, i must finish it by this semester.whatever, i didn't care. the subject was local history.
the first week went easy, and nothing seems to be hard. Local HIstory class, the one i love to hate because, i learned it all while in high school, as a support for a project, but i suppose knowing whats going to come is easy then not knowing.
as i entered the class, i saw some of my friends sitting at the sit behind the class. i joined them, and waited as i saw the professor coming into class. he was too early. he was seriously carrying a lot of book for some reason. then a few more students came in, signed up their names up front and sat at the back. then she came in,Lily. it was the first time i saw her in month, and she was more beautiful then i recalled in my hazy memory. she walked past a few people and sat just across where i was sitting, a few sits on my right, next to a group of her own friend.i tried moving me and my friend so i can be closer to her. it was succesful, i engaged in conversation with her. i pretended that i didn't know her name, so i asked hers, and she asked mine. we had the perfect conversation, and i was happy, but then the professor started talking and our conversation was cut short.
but after talking to her only once, i knew that she was way out of my league, plus i knew she already had a boyfriend. so i kept to myself and my friends, and just stayed calm,collected, and quite for the next few weeks, until when she was the one talking to me. i smiled whenever she would talk, even during my worst of weeks, where i had tons of assignments to do, and submit,but whenever she says anything, all those things just sorta went away. and i always had that stupid smile that i hate to do. she never noticed, all i knew was that she would always laugh whenever i say anything stupid. and we did a few works together, even when i knew the answer to the question, i pretended to not know,and asked her. and she always knew, cause she was smart.
and when i said she was out of my league, she was, and when i said she had a boyfriend, i was right. i saw her walking with him once. someone older than me. they were walking around a shopping complex. how i hate the sight of that, it just tore my heart. but i didn't care, i kept it to myself, even when one my friend that was with me at the time asked me why my eyes were watery for no apparent reason.
as the end of the semester was coming to a close, and i found out that she just broke up with her boyfriend, this was my chance. but i couldn't, i just couldn't. my friendship with her is more important to me, so i just kept that feeling to myself. and just kept smiling, that fake smile, different from the stupid smile. i know who i am, and i know where i stand in her life. i'm just her new friend, and no more than that. i kept my feelings for her a secret, but somehow some of her friends knew about it. the kept making it a joke to her, so she felt annoyed at the fact that i was actually madly in love with her.
she acted like she didn't knew, and so did i, at first i actually didn't know too, but eventually i found out what the hell they were talking about. i kinda felt that it was funny, how i felt, but she didn't tell me anything. it seems that she was also waiting for me to tell her that too.
why the fuck would i do that? i don't want to be an awful friend, i don't wanna be that guy who becomes friend with a girl, just so at the end of it we could be a couple at the end. i'm just not.
whatever, as soons as she knows that, she became a little cold towards me. she didn't reply any of my text after. even when i asked her to go out with me she refused giving me a million reason. afterwards, she just stopped talking with me altogether.
in the end, i guess, i just started to feel that we're growing apart. so because of her friends, i am broken, because of you, i fell in love. but i guess we'll never be.....
