Just Around the Corner and.... its HERE

All I Want is You Today

2011-07-05T08:03:00.000-07:00

Story of Jimmy

Its been a year since i last saw her. she was still as beautiful as ever. She arrived in a dark blue Hilux. I've been waiting for about 15 minutes. she smiled when she saw me. this place, the ol' ice cream place where we would always meet. she was my junior in high school, a year younger than me. we would usually meet here whenever it was convenient, that is whenever her parents would let her go out.

She would order the same thing every time we're here, chocolate sundae, and me i would order a banana split. i felt there was some uneasy vibe surrounding her, and i always knew there was something wrong with her. i could tell. the last time we met here, she was undergoing a breakup with her boyfriend. and i comforted her.

we talked on the phone, and sometimes we text, but lately, she's been hiding something from me. and then suddenly this morning she suddenly asked me to meet her here. she knows that I've been hiding my feelings for her all this time, but as always i would never say it to her anymore. cause i'm always here, whenever she needed someone to talk to.

there was no conversation between us, there was just silence. in an effort to make her open up, i asked her about her life lately. She said she's fine, considering she just finished her diploma, but still waiting for her acceptance into degree level. then i asked her about everything, like; hows her life, hows the family, and such.

but that was it. that's all she answered. there was definitely something wrong with her, cause whenever she didn't ask me anything, something must be terribly wrong with her. she didn't look sad, she looked happy, but there was just this unresolved vibe she was emitting. in confidence i asked her directly what was wrong with her.

she was hesitant to answer. she played around with her sundae. then she answered me.

"I have something to say Jim."

my heart was pounding, knowing she would either say that she's ready for a relationship with me. maybe she realized how much i cared for her all this time. maybe she realized after those long years of me hiding my feelings, she would know that i'm the one she wants to be with.

"i... i'm going to KL next week."

she stuttered. so what, i go to KL all the time, for my vacation, or shopping, or work. but she sounded nervous saying this to me. her face turned gloomy all of a sudden. i said that its okay, we'll hang out after she comes back. but something tells me she told me this for some other reason.

"I'm getting engaged."

the split second i heard that word, my heart felt like it stopped. i turned my face to the side, and then i stared at the banana split. i felt this sudden jolt of sadness. all this time I've been waiting for my moment, I've had that moment long before, but she didn't take me seriously. since every time I've seen her, she always had a boyfriend, and i would always be there, whenever she falls apart, after the guy left her. i didn't want to be the guy who would take advantage of a broken heart girl, so i just became a shoulder she could cry on whenever she felt sad, or the guy that's beside her when she's happy. in short i wanted to always be beside her, whatever situation she's in.

but now, i felt like everything fell apart.

"Jim, i'm sorry. it wasn't my decision. my parents fixed me up to the guy."

then i forced my sadness away, and smiled. i told her i was happy for her.

"You've always been there for me Jim, i didn't want to break your heart. its just that.."

i told her, i understand, cause all this while i was always her best friend, the one she would tell secrets to, the one she could turn to for help. it just didn't came to her that i wanted more. but there was one thing I've always wanted her to have, that is to be happy. and i'm sure she'll be happy.

"Thanks Jim. you will always be my best friend."

she smiled, and then we stood up, and walked out of the ice cream place. as she turned to say goodbye, she hugged me and then walked to her car. i didn't have the heart to tell her how i felt, and i didn't have the courage to tell her that i've always been in love with her. now she's gone. and i never will have that chance anymore. i know when she said that i'll always be her best friend, i knew that after this, i won't get to see her anymore. she'll never know, and i'll never know if we were meant to be.

cause for all this while I've known her, she was all that i wanted. and all i want is her today. knowing after this i can never tell her my feelings for her, cause her happiness is all that i ever ask for, even if it meant sacrificing myself to be miserable forever.

Where is your boy tonight?

2011-02-01T08:20:00.000-08:00

she sat alone.

I was just around the corner, looking at her, keeping my distance making sure nobody is trying to do anything to her.

No, i'm not a stalker, i'm her best friend. Nate. Alice's Nate, as people might call me. cause everywhere she was, i was always there. except for tonight. she was going on a blind date that her friends set her up on. i mean come on, why a blind date? i mean i'm right here, why couldn't she just date me?

The last time i asked her, she just smiled, and laughed it out. Maybe i'm not boyfriend material? or she just didn't want to go on a date with me.

i mean, we go out almost everyday. whats the difference between the days we hang out and asking her out on a date? again with all these questions that keep popping in my head. she helped me a lot these past few years, and i've also returned the favor, but we never really talked about our relationship. we've hung out almost everyday for the past three years. i mean i'm an 18 years old dude, i guess i deserve to know.

she seems a bit nervous. better hide behind the bush, so i can have a better look at that guy when he comes. she's reaching for her phone. she just BBM'd me. great, she's looking for me, what should i say? uhh, lie, thats it LIE to her.

No, what am i doing? now i've resorted to lying to my best friend. what kind of guy am i. i wouldn't be one of those douche guys from school, who lies all the time, to get girls. so i BBM'd her back; I'm always here with you. yeah, not a total lie.

yeah. where is that boy? i hope he's a gentleman. cause if he treats Alice bad, i'm gonna give him a piece of my Hapkido lessons.

its been an hour or so, the guy hasn't shown up. i've been behind the bush for quite some time. and i think a dog just crapped on my shoe. she looks sad. i better go and take her home. i stood from the bush, and walk towards the bench she was sitting on, and sat beside her.

"so Alice, he hasn't shown up?"

"Nate, what are you doing here."

"being a Prince charming and bringing you home."

"thanks. you really are a prince Nate."

"yeah i know"

i took her to my car, and she sat there silently. i turned on the radio, and there was nothing good on, just a bunch of random sounds, or was it some new pop songs from a new artist? i couldn't care less.

i drove slowly and took a spin around the town , just so i could cheer her up a bit. and i started to joke around with her.

then i decided it was time to send her home, so while on our way, i started to voice my thoughts out loud to her.

"why did you even agree to go on that blind date in the first place?"

"i just needed to know some things, thats all."

"who's the guy anyway?"

"i don't know, some guy that my cousin knew."

"did you got what you were looking for?"

"yeah."

then she leaned over to me and kissed my cheeks. my face turned red, and i braked the car. thankfully it was an empty street.

"You were always there for me Nate, i knew i can always count on you."

"hey thats what friends are for."

"Friends? i thought we'd established that you and i are boyfriend and girlfriend."

"really, when was that?"

"uh, the first time that i asked you to hang out with me? duuh."

i only smiled. that was the reason she never wanted to go on a date with me, cause all this time we were always on a date. and i was just too blind to see that. i'm glad she's mine, my best friend, and my girlfriend.

25 minutes too late

2010-04-23T08:00:00.000-07:00

I'm waiting at the airport. my flight was supposed to be about one hour ago. I'm still waiting. I'm in LJLA (Liverpool John Lennon Airport). I had an epiphany, this morning, i met my closest friend, Meera, in my dream. she said that she got something important to say to me, but before she could, i woke up. the thing was, it was me that said that to her. right before i took that job in England. she said that she will wait for me to come back to her, and then she'll tell me how she feels about me. the thing about me is, i could never wait. so for the past two years, I've been avoiding her calls for me, until this morning when she called me, it was almost midnight in Malaysia, and she told me to come home. cause she's got a surprise. and for once in the last two years, I've had a soft heart to answer it.

she said it was important, and i took the first flight back, but for some reason, the flight had to be delayed. 25 minutes, late than the original one. so i waited at the airport, so while doing so, i reminisce about the time when i was younger, when i was still in primary school.

i met Meera when we were in primary 3,she just moved from Bintulu, she used to sit beside me, at first i thought to myself, and mind you, this was my younger self, ' this girl is so cute, but too bad she's a girl'. and that was what i thought of her, but then she introduced herself to me. at first i was reluctant to say my name, but i did. she smiled, then held my hand and asked me to play hide and seek, along with our other friends. but the thing was at that time, she never took her hands of mine, we hid at the same place. i just kept quite, not wanting to be caught. anyway, time passes, and we were in high school. she hit puberty a lot faster than me, so when we were in form 1, she was a bit taller, but by the time we hit form 3, i was the taller one.

we shared a lot of memories, some bad, some good, her breakup with her first ever boyfriend, and then her second boyfriend, and mine with this crush i used to have, but i never had a girlfriend before, and of course the time we went camping and got lost, i never would have thought that that would be a good memory, but we do have some fun thinking back about it.slowly, i started to have feelings for her, but i never wanted to tell her, cause i thought that if i do tell her, it would ruin our friendship. she said she was single, but not available, i didn't get what that meant during that time, but now i do.

Then, we graduated, and i went on to college, she went to Matriculation, i got into an arts college, studying film and broadcasting, while she went to med school. i went on to become a broadcasting agent and i got that job offer in England. i wanted to go to Hollywood, but my application to the US wasn't accepted, so i went on to London, England. she got a job at the hospital, since it was part of her contract to work after finishing her studies. and the night before my flight, i took her out. I've been planning that for a week, and you know, i thought, that by bringing her to a romantic dinner, just a night before my going would set the right mood, and maybe our love will spark. so we had dinner, talked about my bags and shirt that I'm bringing there, and where i was going to live but then we ran out of topic, so i brought out the topic about our love life, how we have always been friend, and how she never met a guy, and i never had a girlfriend. then i told her everything. there was silence between us, just the bustling sound of the restaurant waiters and other people talking. she didn't say anything. then those words came out, ' I'll tell you after you come back here. you can wait right?'

I've always been patient, but somehow that night i didn't have any patience, i didn't know why, but perhaps maybe that i was leaving tomorrow, and all she could say was that she's gonna wait for me to come back. i didn't say a word after our conversation, its like the words are just gone, and i just don't seem to be in the mood. so the day came, i made my flight to London, and i didn't look back, not at the girl, not at my hometown.

but here i am, looking back, and going back, just with the flight being delayed i can't do anything. i took a walk around the airport, and just walked to see the people there. then 20 minutes pass, and I'm sure that i can go into the terminal now. i waited for the flight attendance to call us to get into the plane, and then we went.

the flight from Liverpool to Kuching, a direct flight, took almost almost a whole day, so i got some shut eye inside the plane to avoid jet-lagging. and when i couldn't sleep, i took the liberty to watched the in flight movies, or play some games, and other than that, i would often times flirt with the stewardess, i know, sounds perv of me, but come on, its a long flight home.

I'm not really sure why she called, and why i even answered. hours before arriving in KLIA, i had a thought, that what if she called me to finally say that she wants to be with me more than ever, more than anything i suppose. but that thought was slowly beginning to take its toll on me as i was even more eager to go back to Kuching. what if she did, what if this time going back meant we were finally going to start that relationship that was on hold for quite a few years. what if we ended up marrying each other, or the least, getting engaged. her parents and my parents were close, because my mom works with her mom, at some point when we were younger, just before my mom retired.

my thoughts were running wild, with never ending possibility of what might happen. what if i never took that job. where would i be right now? would we still be friends? or would we be married and have children? or would we lose contact and never see each other again after that night. questions that never seem to have answer. oddly enough, even though I'm not a religious guy, i only thought that God has paved my life into going to this direction. though the possibility are endless, i chose the path, and God provided my destination. that was all i thought.

my mind went back to this memory of when Meera and I were younger, we were about 12. my grandfather just died. it was a shock to us all. i fell into this sad state, cause i was really close to my grandfather. Meera was there to comfort me. she cheered me up, and that was when i realized that she could be my best friends forever. and i loved her back then as a friend. but years after, that friendly-love turned into just pure love.i never did felt like this for anyone, but her.not any of the girls back when i was young, or the girls that I've met working in England.

The "put your safety belt light" on the plane turned on, and the pilot announced that we were about to land. my thoughts came back to me. and i focused on my journey now instead of looking back. i had to be in the present.

My flight was a transit from KLIA to Kuching. i had to go into the airport, take a whole run into the immigration, and finally back into the plane . that's what they call a transit flight. since i was a citizen of Sarawak, it had some privilege. so on my way back to Kuching, a town that i thought i would never see again, or might even thought going back to. I'm doing this for love, for Meera. i still had no idea what her surprise was for me. but if my thoughts before were right, i might go back to Kuching and finally have a heart to stay there.

now all i thought about was just Meera, and no one else. my mind was focused on her. i even tried saying her full name again, making sure i still remember it. Nur Meera binti Morshidin. Lovely name. lovely smile, and love of my life.

it was almost 4 in the evening in Kuching, the weather wasn't quite welcoming. thunders were everywhere in the plane, several times i would imagine me dying due to a plane crash, but god forbid, i pray it will never happen. due to the bad weather, the plane's landing was delayed for a long time. and i waited almost half an-hour. give or take the plane took a delay of 25 minutes.

then we arrived, finally in Kuching. my mom and dad couldn't pick me up, due to some unforeseen circumstances, meaning they might be going to a function somewhere, but they let my cousin pick me up. he's alright, kinda like a brother to me, since my brother's are working somewhere else in Malaysia, i don't know where they are right now, i never took the time to know. anyway, my cousin, Jud, he told me that I'm suppose to go to the event that my parent went to. great, another wedding or 'whatever'. and i just arrived. but he said it was important. saying something about its a wedding of someone important. i didn't care, so i had to go. Meera would have to wait.

Jud wasn't the best driver, but he sure drives slow. i asked him about the event, and he said it was someone that my parents knew, their daughter getting married or something. i tried contacting Meera, but to no avail. i couldn't get a hold of her. she must be pretty busy, being a doctor and all. i decided to call her tomorrow or tonight. but first i had to go to this wedding thing.

so anyway, arriving at Riverside, where the wedding is taking place (the wedding reception), i saw a very familiar car. a white Proton Waja. and the numbers are the same too. the i figured it was Meera's car. she's had that car since after finishing Matriculation. then i had a really bad feeling. someone my parent's knew, Meera's news, Meera's car, wedding. couldn't get a hold of Meera. i deduced that what I'm about to go to is a disappointment, i really tried hard to think it wasn't what i thought it was. i really hoped i was wrong. as i went into the Riverside banquet hall, everyone was leaving, i saw my parents talking with Meera's parent. i waited at the entrance for them to come to me. and i asked them who was getting married. and my mom said Morshidin's daughter.

i broke down to tearless cry. my mom told me the reception was over about an hour earlier. i was too late. about 25 minutes too late. that was probably destiny telling me that it wasn't meant to be for me and Meera. then my mom told me to come with her and get back home, since its been a really really long time since i came back. with a depressing tone i for once agreed with my mom and followed her.

we were walking outside the hall and towards the elevator, when suddenly i heard someone yelling my name. it wasn't clear at first, but then it became clearer, and i recognize the voice. i slowly turned around and saw someone that i never expected to see. Meera, running towards me while she was wearing her 'baju kurung' and her hair all tied up. she seemed happy and hugged me. this was the first time i saw her smiling in a very long time, since the night that i saw her. she's still as beautiful as ever.

"Meera,(sob) congratulation!"

"For what, Ed?"

"This..."

she seemed confused. maybe she didn't realized that i was crying inside. my mom, entered the elevator with my dad and decided to leave me with my friend.

"thanks? i never thought i could do it,"

"yeah, me too. i never expected this."

"expected what?"

"This, you here. and this whole wedding!"

"of course I'm here, where would i be?"

"i thought probably somewhere else by now, maybe in Sidney.."

Sidney was the place she told me where she would go on her honeymoon.

"Sidney? why would i be there?"

"you know what never mind, i shouldn't have come."

"wait, what exactly are you thinking Ed?"

"nothing.. I, I.. i just shouldn't have came. you know. congratulations to you and your partner. i should really be leaving now"

i turned around to hide my face as real tears came down. through my eyes. and slowly i walked towards the stairs. but before i could go far, she held my hand.

"ALEX!! where are you going? I don't think you understand this whole situation."

"i understand (sob). i definitely understand."

"no you had the wrong idea."

just then i saw Meera's sister coming out of the elevator with a guy, and they were wearing matching colors. something tells me I've made a mistake. as i moved my glimpse from them i turned to Meera who was smiling when she was looking at me, and she burst into laughter. there was still tears coming down my face. and i still don't understand, and somehow i think I've made a mistake. Meera explained to me.

as it turns out, it wasn't her wedding. it was her sister's wedding. her older sister. the other Morshidin's daughter. somehow this stupid miscommunication shouldn't have occurred as i thought. she was still laughing. and my face turned red. as she slowly stopped laughing(eventually she stopped fully), she told me that she was the wedding planner and she was the one that did the whole thing here. then i told her that i thought it was her wedding and she was getting married. she laughed even more, and then she stopped, and stared at me, and smiled.

"how can i have a wedding if the man that i love just came back.." her hands touched mine.

i smiled and didn't answer. as we embraced again, i could hear the whisper of a song by Michael Learns To Rock, 25 minutes playing. and before i thought that everything wasn't gonna end happily.

-END-

i love you now more than i did before, knowing that you waited for me, and i was the one that you always loved...

Dedicated to:

-The love of my life-

If I Don't Wake Up Tomorrow

2010-03-23T08:04:00.000-07:00

"Life, something that always has something new to offer, no matter how long you live."

These exact words are the last words that i heard him say. He smiled for one last time, while the doctor checked his pulse, and slowly, his breath got deeper, and deeper until it finally just stop. i could clearly hear the cries of everyone in the room. Everyone was sad at the fact that he has moved on, but i felt relieved, because he doesn't have to suffer anymore. He is my best friend, my blood brother, my rival, my mentor, my forever buddy, he was Benjy.

Benjy and me had always been friend, ever since we were young. We lived in the same neighbourhood, but when we were in high school i moved to another place, but we still went to the same school. our notorious pranks made us the school most wanted-but-lovable students. even though our naughtiness are legendary, our wits when it comes to studying were epic. there's not many student that have a permanent record full of negative remarks but the has the best GPA. i guess we were just those kinds of kids that likes to play hard, and learn harder.

you know, when we were young, i always thought you had more courage than i do, so whenever we were in trouble, if i never saw you getting scared, i wouldn't be too....

we got accepted into different colleges, i took Psychology and sociology, while he took Aeronautic Engineering. even though we were far apart from one end of the world, to the other end, we never forgot each other. Raya was the best time for us, since it was the only time we get to meet.

but after graduating, we went work to separate places, him in KL, while I'm in Kuching. during these few year, we hardly ever saw each other, except for Raya, and that would only mean only one day.

times pass, we lost what we used to have back when we were young....

i was getting older, so was he, i found myself the love of my life, my high school sweetheart, one of our own best friends- Jenny. She was always close to Benjy, and who would have thought, Benjy set us up, and we dated through college, and now I'm married to her. Benjy was there to be my Best man during my wedding. that's when i notice there was something wrong with him. Benjy only had his mother, since his father already passed away when he was a baby. so his mother was all he had as family, but he always called me his brother. he didn't want to be my best man, cause of some unknown reason, but i was persistent, and he agreed.

after i got married, i started hanging out with Benjy again. as it turns out he got a job back here again. so every weekend, we hung out doing whatever we could think of, from playing pool, to karaoke, to playing half-life at the local cybercafe. I felt weird for Benjy, since his job,well lets just say, its a high paying job, but he still stayed in his mother's old house back at the Kampung. and every time we went out, he would always look pale, or sometimes always have a headache.. but it didn't stop him.

so it was this one day, we were out with some of our school mates, we decided to jam, since it has been a long time since our last time together, we thought about getting the band back together.
so anyway we jammed for about three hours and after we finished, we went to McDonald. the best place to go after jamming, since they have refills...mm...

things sometimes happen for a reason we never know, but they just do..

while we were heavily laughing to the stories we had when we were young we all remembered about our family, not parents, but our own family now, kids, wife and in laws, we told stories about them. Benjy didn't have anything to talk about since he wasn't married yet, but he also laughed with us.but anyway while doing so, something unexpected happened, Benjy has been complaining about a slight headache before but we didn't took it seriously, but this time he actually blacked out. we had to call an ambulance. a few moments later all of us were at the hospital emergency room. we called Benjy's mother,she arrived a few minutes later.

it was that day that our eyes were opened, my eyes to be exact about Benjy's condition. His mother told us everything. Benjy was still in a coma, still haven't woken up yet, the doctor said he had a terrible seizure, but he's sure to wake up. anyway, the story that his mother told us was quite unexpected.

in life, we always had the best time, so when i die, have a blast, for me...

While working in KL, Benjy's life was pure fun. he had a great time working making lots of money, and spending lots of them too. but one day, he felt a slight headache due to not sleeping doing a job. he put the thought aside thinking it was just due to lack of sleep. so it was a week later, his nose started oozing mucus non-stop and sometimes bled. he went to the doctor. and it turns out he was diagnosed with cancer. he fell into a spiral of depression, his mother went to KL to take care of him. they did everything to cure the cancer, modern medicine, traditional medicine and new age stuff. but nothing was working. he went to chemotherapy, lost his hair. it got rid of the cancer for about one year, the year that i couldn't get a hold of him. he quit his job, went to see the world with his mother after realizing he may die at anytime. a few month after coming back to KL, he went for his usual checkup and more bad news, the cancer came back, it was in the fourth stage.meaning its incurable. the doctor suggested more chemotherapy, but he refused, his mother pleaded to him to go for chemotherapy, but he made up his mind, saying, "if its my time to die, then I'll die, death is in god's hand. i rather spend the rest of my days with you and my friends, than spend it injecting those medicine in my body while it kills me slowly, and die eventually."

so he took the next week to pack all his stuff from his condo in KL and stayed in Kuching. it was during my wedding, his mother told me that he had an appointment with the doctor in KL during my wedding, and i wanted him to be my best man, he canceled the appointment after i talked him into it.

there are times i rather live and die instantly, but with friends like you guys, dying just seems boring....

i cried a tearless cry, hearing the story from her. so did all of our friend. Benjy was admitted into the ward after he woke up. he was smiling, he always smiled even during the worst of time. he smiled when we got in trouble in school, he smiled when we received our first punishment, and we just laughed about it. i was mad at him, for not telling me about the problem. he apologized, he said he didn't want me to treat him any differently. its true, if i had known, i wouldn't have brought him to do any of the things we did these past few month. he enjoyed what he did. i thought and prayed really hard he would get better, cause according to the doctor, he could get better, or he might get worst. so everyday after work i went to see him, and sometimes it would be me and Jenny. and sometimes it was with the other guys. his mother didn't went home for a few weeks now. i saw him getting better each day,but the doctor said the cancer is eating away his brain cell, which mean he was getting worst. he wanted to show us all he was getting better. it made us all feel better, when inside we know he wasn't.

one month later, i was at work, when Benjy's mother called me saying it was an emergency, Benjy had another seizure. i rushed out of work and went straight to the hospital, i called Jenny, and my other friend to meet me there. when we arrived, Benjy was still in a coma, at the ICU, his mother was waiting outside crying, i comforted her. a few moments later everyone else came. the doctor came out saying that Benjy was out of his coma, and he may only have a few more moment to live. we came in, there was all this machine wired to him. he just lay there, and he smiled all the way. even when the nurse surrounded him to check on him he smiled. he talked a made a few jokes, and we all tried to laugh but we just couldn't. his mother couldn't stop crying behind me, so was Jenny. me, i had to be brave, knowing if i was scared, then Benjy would be too. i sat beside him, trying hard to comfort him and everybody else in the room. all of our friends gathered beside him, his mother sat next to me, while Jenny was beside her. the beeping of the heart monitor was getting slower each time it beeped. he made one last joke before saying something that i would never forget until this very day.

"everyone, if i don't wake up tomorrow, i want you to know that i had the best time of my life. If i don't wake up tomorrow, i don't want you to cry, cause if you do, then all the fun i had with you guys will be just a sad memories,no i won't have that, i want it to be remembered as the best times we had as friends, as a family. cause you know, Life, something that always has something new to offer, no matter how long you live."

he breathed his last breath. he passed on a few seconds later. every one in the room cried, except for me. cause Benjy once told me, if i was afraid, then he'd never smiled like he used to. his funeral was held the day after. my parents were there, my school teachers was there. everyone we knew was there. as everyone as left the grave, i stayed behind with Jenny and Benjy's mother. His mother then walked to her car. i was the last one to leave his grave. staring at his grave, i remembered the first time i met him when we were five. then a little tear fell down my face, and i turned away, and walked towards Jenny, and went into my car. i closed my eyes and a a vague image of Benjy smiling came. i missed him already.

Dedicated in Memory of :

Mohd. Abid bin Saad.(1990-2006)

Mohd. Shafiq bin Abdul Razak.(1990-2010)

Yasmine Ghazali (1993-2010)

"though we thought we'd be friends forever, life had other plans, and i never thought you'd be gone before i would."

"and i know that one day I'm gonna meet you again."

morning glory

2010-03-22T16:21:00.000-07:00

i want her to be my morning glory...so much.... if you're reading this, i wanted to become something more...

We'll never be.

2009-11-24T03:12:00.000-08:00

Damien. a name thats similiar to Bob Marley's son. and coincidentally my father is also a musician, but not really, he produces music for people, finishing touches and everything. but anyway, this is my story, a story of how stupid this life really is. i go to this local college, public college, that is. i'm taking a course also in music, hoping that i'll inherit what my father do, but what i want is actually to play music, but i could never write anything good to sing to. my father said that in time i'll know what to write about. but i'm not just cut out to write, maybe i'm cursed to only do covers for the rest of my life.

anyway, i'm in my second year in college, and being on the dean list really made me one lonely guy, not lonely as in a guy with no friends, i got friends, but lonely as in i've not met any girl that would go out with me, its not that they wouldn't go out with me, its that i couldn't go out with them, cause i'm always too busy. even if i did, i never really liked any of them anyway.

i was set to perform in the freshman gathering this month, i wasn't too thrilled about it since i always performed one song every time, and that is Elvis's 'can't help falling in love with you', cause elvis was like my favourite singer. but i was going to sing something else. i chose can't take my eyes off of you, cause i heard Muse made a cover of that song, but i'm not going to do it like Muse, i'm gonna it like the original version. so the night before the performance, i practiced.

Day of the performance. it was a huge hit, since they expect me to do it like Muse, but i didn't. but they still sure liked it. i packed back my guitar and while i was packing near the stage, next to the emcee booth, i heard this most beautiful voice, i wasn't sure why i find it beautiful, but i just did.
The voice said,"Could you tell them that someone is blocking my car? its a black...."
and after she was done, i turned around, and saw only her back. my friend was the mc. she was walking towards her car. i asked my friends what her name was, but he didn't know. so i tried running after her, but i lost her half way. plus i didn't pay attention to what she was saying, so i didn't know which was her car.

i thought to myself, why even bother with someone you'll probably won't meet again tomorrow, so i didn't, but i couldn't stop thinking about her. that night, i dreamt of her, and i awoke in the middle of the night. i didn't dream of her specifically, i dreamt that she kept calling my name, and her voice was the only thing that i heard. so in the case of midnight waking, i usually listen to some tunes and then fall asleep, but that night i couldn't. there was something that i need to get off, something that i want to express. so i wrote something down. and finally i found the melody to it. i named the song Beautiful Girl.

then finally i could sleep, after finishing what i started.

i didn't see her at campus. i thought so too, since its a big place, with a lot of people i decided to keep her only in my mind, as the song goes, "you were always on my mind..." .but this one day, i had to come to class early, i didn't know why, but somehow i just had to come early. but when i came, it turns out that class was postponed to the evening. crap right? so anyway, i just chilled with my friends somewhere down near the carpark. we took a few drinks and just chilled, waiting for evening to come.

so as fate might have it, something coincidental actually happened. there was this black car coming in, and parked a few cars away from where we hung out, the car has the most beautiful plate number, which is my birthday, 9004, and i thought to myself, how cool would it be to have a car with my birthday on it. as fate might have it, it was actually her, the girl from before, the one i wrote a song about. she got out of her car, and then i saw her face. i gotta admit, i've seen some beautiful face, but hers was really out of this world. i feel weird at that moment, even as my friend tossed a ball to my head i didn't feel it. my heart beat faster, and my breath was longer. is this what they call falling for someone. i try best to say hello as she walked past me, but my voice couldn't make it out. so in the end i just smiled at her, like an idiot. and even my friend told me that i smiled like an idiot.

so anyway, one of my friend that hung out with me knew who she was. he told me that her name was, Lily. huh... my favourite flower is a lily, i don't know why, but that just came into my mind for no apparent reason. okay, back to the story.

apparently my friend knew a lot about Lily, cause they used to go to school together before, and i was like ' what a coincidence' and such . the bullshit started, i was in love, but i kept it quite.

i searched her name on myspace, but i didn't found her, and then searched on facebook, i found her but i couldn't add her, so i actually added a few of her friends that could be added. but i still couldn't add her because her friends still haven't approved me yet.

so anyway, my life went on as usual.

a few month later, my friend died. i wasn't that close to him, because i just met him, but i felt like i knew him a long long time. during his funeral, i didn't come, because i was never good at funeral, but after the whole service, i visited his grave, and whispered what we talked about the last time we met. as i was walking out of the graveyard, i saw Lily walking past me, but i didn't called her because my mind was filled with thoughts of my friend, cause we only talked just last saturday, and today is wednesday.

and that was the last time i saw her that semester.

(the next semester)

starting a new semester, bought everything i need, and still living outside the campus. i just started my own band, with a few of my friends, playing alternative music, cause after that day i met her, i seemed to be flowing with music, and inspiration.

i notice that i was supposed to take a subject that i was suppose to take in my first semester but i didn't take because i didn't want to take it, and now i am forced to take it cause if i'm gonna grad next year, i must finish it by this semester.whatever, i didn't care. the subject was local history.

the first week went easy, and nothing seems to be hard. Local HIstory class, the one i love to hate because, i learned it all while in high school, as a support for a project, but i suppose knowing whats going to come is easy then not knowing.

as i entered the class, i saw some of my friends sitting at the sit behind the class. i joined them, and waited as i saw the professor coming into class. he was too early. he was seriously carrying a lot of book for some reason. then a few more students came in, signed up their names up front and sat at the back. then she came in,Lily. it was the first time i saw her in month, and she was more beautiful then i recalled in my hazy memory. she walked past a few people and sat just across where i was sitting, a few sits on my right, next to a group of her own friend.i tried moving me and my friend so i can be closer to her. it was succesful, i engaged in conversation with her. i pretended that i didn't know her name, so i asked hers, and she asked mine. we had the perfect conversation, and i was happy, but then the professor started talking and our conversation was cut short.

but after talking to her only once, i knew that she was way out of my league, plus i knew she already had a boyfriend. so i kept to myself and my friends, and just stayed calm,collected, and quite for the next few weeks, until when she was the one talking to me. i smiled whenever she would talk, even during my worst of weeks, where i had tons of assignments to do, and submit,but whenever she says anything, all those things just sorta went away. and i always had that stupid smile that i hate to do. she never noticed, all i knew was that she would always laugh whenever i say anything stupid. and we did a few works together, even when i knew the answer to the question, i pretended to not know,and asked her. and she always knew, cause she was smart.

and when i said she was out of my league, she was, and when i said she had a boyfriend, i was right. i saw her walking with him once. someone older than me. they were walking around a shopping complex. how i hate the sight of that, it just tore my heart. but i didn't care, i kept it to myself, even when one my friend that was with me at the time asked me why my eyes were watery for no apparent reason.

as the end of the semester was coming to a close, and i found out that she just broke up with her boyfriend, this was my chance. but i couldn't, i just couldn't. my friendship with her is more important to me, so i just kept that feeling to myself. and just kept smiling, that fake smile, different from the stupid smile. i know who i am, and i know where i stand in her life. i'm just her new friend, and no more than that. i kept my feelings for her a secret, but somehow some of her friends knew about it. the kept making it a joke to her, so she felt annoyed at the fact that i was actually madly in love with her.

she acted like she didn't knew, and so did i, at first i actually didn't know too, but eventually i found out what the hell they were talking about. i kinda felt that it was funny, how i felt, but she didn't tell me anything. it seems that she was also waiting for me to tell her that too.

why the fuck would i do that? i don't want to be an awful friend, i don't wanna be that guy who becomes friend with a girl, just so at the end of it we could be a couple at the end. i'm just not.
whatever, as soons as she knows that, she became a little cold towards me. she didn't reply any of my text after. even when i asked her to go out with me she refused giving me a million reason. afterwards, she just stopped talking with me altogether.

in the end, i guess, i just started to feel that we're growing apart. so because of her friends, i am broken, because of you, i fell in love. but i guess we'll never be.....

Walk in the sun

2009-01-13T07:39:00.000-08:00

after the accident we never talked again. she never return my calls, my text or anything i gave her. she didn't even came to visit me when i was at the hospital, had my brain drilled to take out some bloodclot thingy, and then stitches on my back. i don't talk about the incident to anyone, maybe because i'm not ready, maybe because i only wanted to talk to her. after the accident occur, i was awake for a few moment before the surgery, she was on the bed next to my bed, she wasn't awake, but there seems to be no critical injuries on her. not even a scratch, but she was nonetheless unconcious. it was weird at first, because after my surgery, people started to treat me differently, like i had some mental problem. my mom said there was nothing wrong with me, and the doctor said that the surgery will give me some temporary memory loss, and if i wasn't careful, could lead to serious mental problem, like schizo-something.

i agree i had some temporary memory loss, like when i forgot where i put my shoes, or where to pee, or where to sleep. this one time i slept in the garage, next to the car, but luckily i woke up in the middle of the nightand remembered where to sleep again. the doctor also said that some of my muscle might not work like they used to, like now, i can't even hold a grip properly, or play playstation 3 without looking at my hand before pressing any button, or a simple task like typing on my computer.

but with Annie is different, nobody talked about her each time i asked anyone, my friends, my brothers, or even my friends. she didn't answer my calls.and everytime i call her house her father would always hung up whenever he heard my voice. when i tried to go over to her house, well i just got lost, and ended up at some playground or this lake. but each time i tried to remember where her house is i always ended up at the same place, kinda like the twilight zonr, except this isn't on TV.

the accident happened a month ago, i'm still regularly seeing the doctor every week, to check on my surgery wound. i notice that on my appointment card said that i have been seeing the doctor for the last 2 month, but i never recalled anything that happened the last 2 month, so i thought the nurse did some error, and just ignored it.

one month and three weeks, i haven't seen Annie, my heart was at a lost, and my brain hurted like hell each time i tried to think of her, but each time i could recall her face i would almost blackout. and i couldn't remember the anything about her, but i thought it was because of the brain damage thing that happened to me. so i only thought that when i fully heal, i would remember them. the last thing i remember from the accident, was her smiling at me, then a big blank and then a tree came out of nowhere in front of us. and next thing i remeber was waking up at the hospital, and asking for Annie.

i was better, i regain much of my motor function back. i could drive again, but my mom would never let me drive, afraid that i might get lost. so this one day, while she was working, i took one of the car out for a drive, because i wanted to see Annie again. so i drove around for the first time to look for her house, the first time i looked for her house i was just walking.sadly i arrived at the playground again, next to this lake garden. i gave up hope, i parked the car and decided to take a walk at the place. while i was walking i had a few flashbacks, like the first time i saw her, and how we met. it was at this very park. i was jogging and she fell down, i helped her up and from there everything began. after that i walked some more, to see if there was anyhting else i could remember, then came the first date that we ever gone on, it was at this crappy street cafe, but she was buying so i didn't mind.

then a few blocks later, i saw her, sitting on a bench. part of her forehead was still in bandages, her hands still plastered, but other than that she seems alright. slowly i approached her, i tried backing out but it seems that my muscle lost its function to chicken out, so i sat there next to her.

"i've been waiting,"
"waiting? for me?"
"of course, who else would i wait for?"
"i'm, really really, really sorry. it was all my fault."
"what? the accident? you don't remember do you?"
"yes,um.. no! i couldn't, it hurts my head."
"i'm the one that has to apologize."

then i heard the whole story, the accident, it was different from how i remembered it, she wasn't in the car with me, she wasn't smiling. the day the accident happened was the day i found out that her father engaged her to someone else. i was there at her house, it all happened in front of my eyes, i rushed out of her house, and drove away, but she ran after me, and jumped in front of my car, i swerve and hit a tree. i was badly injured. she tried to rescue me, but the tree that i hit, it fell on top of her. that was the reason why everytime i tried to think of her my head would hurt, it was because my heart was also hurting, my mind just didn't want my heart to feel the pain so it hurt itself. that doesn't make sense, but i know that's the reason.

i told her that it was okay, and slowly tried to hug her, but her cast was too stiff, so i didn't.she was smiling while trying to hug me, and so did i. and it seems that each time that i came across this place, my heart would always beat fast. and she told me that she waited everyday....then we took a walk, with me holding her other hand that wasn't broken. behind us was her father looking with pride, feeling that her daughter had found the right man.

Obviously

2009-01-10T06:57:00.000-08:00

It’s Ike, short from my real name Mikael, or what my teachers call me Michael. It never really feels good to be called with a lot of name, but if you ask around about ‘Ike’ they probably know, especially if it’s around people who golf in KGS or Sarawak Golf Club (KGS is in Malay, you get that right?). Anyway, I’m a university student in UNIMAS, taking the business course. But because of the high living cost that my parents have to pay, I am forced to work part time. It was a pain finding part time job, especially when you don’t have that many experiences. But my father managed to pull a few strings with the club and made me one of their caddies.

The paying is good, since I haven’t starved since I started working there, and most of the staff that works there knows me personally, so in any case it was a good job. The only downside is, whenever I work with one of those successful single women or those rich trophy wives, they always flirt around with me. And because of that I asked some of my caddies’ friend to take my shift whenever they come around. It gets really annoying whenever they flirt around with you, because it’s like they are treating me like some gigolos. Like whenever I reached the balls in the hole, they would make sex puns, or whenever I reached for the golf stick they did the same.

So after a month working there, I started to caddy for dudes only, and not because I was into dudes because I seriously know I’m straight, but they always give some extra money for my good work, which involves looking away when they move the golf ball, or look for their golf balls in the water, which I know sounds really gay when you talk about it really slowly. Anyway there was this big tipper called Datuk Ra... Maybe I shouldn’t use his real name, so I’ll just call him Datuk R. he was this avid golfer, he’d go golfing every week. So I would always caddy for him, since I’m his usual guy. He tips really big, like RM 30 big for each game. He was one of my favourite golfers.

So this one particular day, he brought someone with him, I thought it was his wife at first, but when both of them came out, it was actually his daughter. At first glance it was like I saw an angel, so everyone was so into her. I caddy for her old man like always, and I tried to strike a conversation with her but she kinda just ignored or she didn’t hear me because my voice was trembling. So after the day ended, they left, and I felt like an idiot. So then the next week they came again, but this time I didn’t caddy for Datuk R, instead he asked me specifically to watch her daughter, with of course payment for the each hour. I hesitated at first but he increased the payment, so I accepted.

We were just sitting in the library, me sitting in front of her, going over some of my lecture notes, while she was reading some magazines while texting. I didn’t make any move this time because I didn’t want to look like an idiot. After awhile reading my notes, she said something.

“What are you reading there?”

“Some notes for my business class.”

“Oh so you’re a college student?”

“University actually, UNIMAS.”
“Ow same thing. Why are you working here then? Shouldn’t you be like going around campus doing college students stuff?”

“I’m a second year, and I didn’t get to stay in campus I stay at my friend’s house. And as to why I’m working here, I have to somehow survive, by working.”

“That was a mouthful of answers. So um… what was your name again?”

“Ike… and I didn’t catch your name...”

“Ow it’s Suzy Datuk R.”

We talked for hours about ourselves, and I got even to know her birthday, home address, her phone number and I found out she was the same age as me, 19. This makes her a real catch, beautiful, rich, friendly and other stuff. We hung out every week each time her dad came golfing. It turns out her old man brought her with him because she was caught drunk a few weeks ago, in mid day. So as punishment, she was forced to watch him play golf, which to her is like pure torture, but since she distracted him, I was told to babysit her. To which she reply is less torture than watching golf. But anyway we became so close that we even played snooker, and swam together in the swimming pool. It was at that moment that I’ve realized that this was too perfect; nothing was this perfect in this world. I started having doubt, but that day I spent with her in the swimming pool brought us closer, we had this unbreakable bond.

Anyway this one day she stopped coming here, and I caddy for her father like before. But the next week, it was something different, Datuk R came with someone, another car behind him, and when he came out of the car, the dude was beside him the whole time. Suzy was there too. And she seemed very intimate with that dude beside Datuk R. I was called to caddy for them again. So while the two dudes were busy golfing off, I talked with Suzy. And the truth that struck me was very shocking. It seemed that the dude that was with her was her boyfriend. He was 25, and worked as an import-export marketer. And according to her, about three hours later, some useless information, but it was kinda like a warning, since she said that the dude was a black belt in Tae Kwon Doe, meaning a dangerous killing machine. That day turn out even worst than I expected, while I was parking the buggy, I saw the two of them kissing in front of the fountain. It hurt my feelings. Doesn’t she know that I like her in a way that a friend shouldn’t like a friend; I wanted more from her, not just friendship. but obviously, she’s out of my league, I’m wasting my time cause she’ll never be mine, and I know I’ll never be good enough for her. It all ended. I decided to stop working there, with the excuse that I wanted to focus on my studies.

Convincingly enough, it was my finals for semester three, so there was no question asked to me when I stopped working. After finishing my finals, I enjoyed quite a bit, so a few weeks later I started working as a waiter at some restaurant. My caddy friends sometimes hang out with me, like watching movie or just go out for a drink. So during one of those time, they said that Datuk R was looking for me, always asking for me, but they told me I stopped working. Suzy also asked around for me there. I know she was looking for me, I receive like a dozen miss calls from her, and some text messages to me. I changed my number so she couldn’t get a hold of me anymore. I started working hard and studying really hard, so I could get some high paying job somewhere and settle down with a really hot trophy wife.

FIVE YEARS LATER….

I just came back from Milan to close the deal with some company there. The business world is a really how should I say it, a dog eat dog world. Really rough, and if you’re not tough enough, you’ll end up losing that big contract. I’m one of the executive marketing directors in my friends company. Work my way up from a normal marketing officer for two years. At least one of my dreams came through. Because of the ruthless working hours, I had no time for my personal life. I haven’t had a relationship in like 13 month.

Anyway, I was supposed to close down the deal with a local company, and I was supposed to meet them in like 15 minutes. I was in a rush; I drove really fast and parked my car. Thankfully I arrive just in time. It was at this hotel, at Hilton. They were waiting there, two old dudes and a woman. I was alone, which means that the deal will close down today. One of the old dudes turned his head called the waiter to ask for something. I realized that I recognize him; it was Datuk R, so called out to him. He looked at me and recognizes me and kept calling me the caddy. He asked me what I was doing there and so I told him, I was scheduled to meet him there. He was shocked to know that he was going to be my client. And so he insisted me to sit down.

The woman that was beside Datuk R, she was quite familiar. Then she removed her glasses, and said, “Well if it isn’t Ike. How are you?”

It was her, Suzy. As it turns out she worked for her father now. After sealing the deal, I asked Suzy out. And starting from there, my dreams slowly started to come true. What happened to her was, after I stopped contacting her, she started to drop by the university and looked for me there, but I wasn’t always there, so she just hung out there everyday. She liked the atmosphere, and so a few months later her dad let her continue her studies overseas. So while she was overseas, that 25 year old dude that was her boyfriend broke up with her. And now after graduating, Datuk R gave her a position in his company. And from today, after I sealed the deal, I will start working with her. When we were out that night, she told me that I wasn’t dreaming when I wanted to be with her, and she wasn’t out of my league. She stared at me, and from that moment on, I know that we were meant to be together, and it’s obvious.

the eyes don't lie

2009-01-09T07:21:00.000-08:00

the first kiss changes everything, even when it doesn't seem a like the first one. but things does change, like you'll become closer to the one that you love. but that wasn't the case with me, all she does after our first kiss was just be a bitch. she just keeps bitching around each time we go out. she would say ' what the hell is wrong with you....bla...bla ...bla' and that was the whole scene each time we go out. it really does suck, but it wasn't like this before. she was nicer before, never complain or bitch around whenever she's with me. but after my birthday, my 18th birthday i seriously doubt that she was the same again.

during my 18th birthday, we celebrated it at this beach resort with all my friends including her. we were never dating to begin with, we were sorta close friend. the kiss was like a spur of the moment, or more of the spur of the half drunken moment. the party was wild, some were even running around naked, but i kinda dig the naked chick, but when i saw some guys naked it kinda turned me off. to get away from the noise and the naked dudes, i took a walk on the beach. i took a couple of drinks, so i was a little off my game, just a little.

i sat at one of the dead tree and faced the ocean. i talked to myself about things that i don't even know about. so suddenly she came and sat next to me.

"Happy birthday Max! cool party! rocking high!!!"

"Ugh...Hey Kelly. cool party? sure if naked dudes are cool, maybe to Azzra. but i'm not enjoying it."

"Owh.. Weiner Fest!"

"Yeah this sucks. plus i don't have anyone secial to celebrate it with."

"Taylor left you? that bitch. how could she?"

"she cheated on me, and i left her."

"ow yeah, that reminds me. i didn't bring you any present."

"its o.."

she kissed me. it came out of nowhere. it doesn't look like she's drunk or anything, but i'm a little drunk. it was a long kiss. there was even tounge action. i didn't care, but all of a sudden, she realized that she was kissing me, and backed off.

"i'm...sorry Max."

"i..uhh...i don't know what to say.."

"so what now?"

we just sat there staring at each other, i never realize this before but she has the most amazing eyes. i never thought of her as girlfriend material, because she hanged out with me like everyday, and was like my wingwoman. but when she kissed me, it all seemed like everything that i did before was insignificant.

and that was how i we ended up together. i never realized that, but after spending the next few years together, we kinda decided to get married.

She's my wife now, and the most perfect life i had now was about to become more perfect as she was pregnant. i'm going to be the most happiest man.

happy together, like moonlit night..

2009-01-07T07:24:00.000-08:00

fourteen, i'm only fourteen, and i've been given this big responsibility. i mean i'm much too young, but she insisted. huh, it is such a waste of time. i would rather spend my time going jamming or even studying, even studying. but like i've said before, she insisted. i don't even like her that much. but she is my girlfriend after all, my silly "sweetheart" Jenny.

we met at tuition class, spent some time together, and next thing i knew, she asked me to be her boyfriend. she has the looks, the smarts, the money, the niceness and everything, but i never took notice of them. she would call me Zacky, sweet-Z, fuzzy?... it really does make me sick. her school is really near my school, or to be exact, just in front of mine.so she would ask me to meet her at the bus stop everyday. and she even cooked lunch for me. plus she spent a lot of time with my family, and she's really close to my mum. so in any case if i were to break up with her, my mum would ask me to get back with her.

though she's like a common cold, like i could never get her away from me, but we never fight, we never even yelled each other. and i never made her cry. until this very day, it was the battle of the band season, and i was busy practicing with my band. she would always be there, so it kinda distracted my band from playing, but i never really care. the battle was getting near, and we never get to practice fully, so the tension kinda grew more tense, and i myself had anger issue, so i missed some notes, and riffs, and my band blamed me for ruining the song. i kinda lost my sense there, and yelled at Jenny for no apparent reason. she stared at me really long, and then cried, then she ran away from the studio. i didn't care a bit about her. but my band told me that i was being unreasonable, and i didn't have to get angry at her. i thought that they were just over reacting, she's okay, i'm gonna see her again tomorrow. but that night she didn't called like always, so for the first time ever, i called her. but all i got was the mailbox. so i kinda didn't care, and thought maybe she's asleep.

the next day after school, she didn't show up at the bus stop. that i kinda felt weird, going home alone on the bus is kinda weird, she would usually yap away about her day at school, and then she asked about mine. but i did manage to arrive home, and continued my day as usual. my mom asked me, if i have seen Jenny, but i said she didn't went to school today. yeah thats it, she must be sick or have some family issues. but i didn't feel right, so i told the guys from the band that i'm not feeling good. that night i waited for her call, but i didn't get any, so i tried calling again, but no answer, still the mailbox. i have a bad feeling, good thing tomorrows Saturday, i decided to go to her house.

next morning, i took the morning bus which was kinda crowded, and went to her house. it was only 9 and the bus is already crowded. i arrived at her house, and asked her mother where she is. my mother said that she has been locking her self in her room while turning the music really loud. and that she didn't went to school because she was out all day, and only came back at night.
i'm really starting to feel that there is something wrong.

so i called some of her friend, and they all said that they haven't seen her. i asked them where does she usually hang out, and i got a list of the places she would be. all day i spent looking for her at the places they stated. but she wasn't there, anywhere, starbucks, coffee bean, the cinema, parkson, boulevart, the spring, everywhere! where is she? why can't i find her. the last place that i was on my list is the place she and i would hang out at night during the weekend, the water tower. i climbed the ladder and faced the city, we would hang out here at night, she would put her head on my shoulder and everything. but i'm starting to think, that maybe after what i did, she must be avoiding me the whole week. and maybe after a few days, she's gonna break up with me. i heavily breath to control my emotion, then sat down, where i would always sit down next to her. the water tower was the place of our first date. first date, i never even get to kissed her. so i just sat there. as i sat i heard a sound of guitar strumming coming from nearby, it sounded just like my song, the song that my band plays, titled " Just Us Two", but more slow and kinda more romantic than alternative. i started to search where the sound was coming form, and i notice it came from the other end of the water tower.

i found her. she was here, on the water tower. she was playing the guitar, strumming my song.

"Um.. Jenny? Where have you been? i've been looking for you for 3 days. i'm worried that something might have happen."

"i've been spending time here, practicing your song on the guitar that i bought yesterday."

"you bought a guitar?"

"yeah, i mean that was what you were into, so i kinda thought if i played too, you might wanna spend more time with me."

"you did all this? skip school, and practice all day. i haven't really appreaciated you that much."

"you do, its me that don't apreaciate you. you spent a lot of time with me, and all i did was get in your way of band practice."

"no, that was my fault, i shouldn't have yelled. it wasn't right. i love you."

"no its.. wait what did you say?"

"it wasn't right?"

"no after that..."

" i love you?"

"its the first time you've ever said that. other than the song that you've written for me to show that you love me."

"yeah, i think you're right, it is the firsst time i said them. and what song?"

"uh.. Just Us Two? the lyrics really give it all away."

that song, i never really thought about it. but it i wrote about it after our first date, so it kinda is a song for her. i just nodded my head. she smiled, and stood up. she put down the guitar, and hugged me, i never really did took notice but her eyes, they were beatiful, althought technically it was like any other people's eyes, but it was special to me. she stared at me back, and slowly kissed me. our first kiss, i found out that she is what makes me happy, she is my inspirations, she is my sweetheart, and she's my girlfriend. i'm not afraid to say it no more. and i'm never gonna treat her bad anymore. i learned my lesson. and i'll always remember that.

Waiting a long time

2008-12-27T10:58:00.001-08:00

It has been one year, since I came back from my studies in Jordan. The things that I have seen here and the things that I must live with, every night my housemates comes home drunk, all three of them. My name is Yunus, people call me ‘Shark’, but I never like that name, I liked it before I went to further my studies in Jordan, but I am older, so the name kinda grew out from me. now I just go by the name Nas now. My housemates are Joe, Don, and Al. each of them are my old friend, and we work at the same company, but at different divisions. Like Joe he works in the creative department, Don in marketing, Al in import export and me in human resources. We hang out in the day like normal friends, but by night I stay away from them, I used to follow them when we used to only play snooker, or darts, but since they started drinking, it’s a different story, I only follow them once in a while, usually to be their driver. But I don’t mind, since I enjoy the drive and the fresh air, but the occasional scotch scent or vodka scent does annoy me sometime, they are very tempting, much like a girl that wears very revealing clothes and dancing in front of you. I used to live like them before my studies, but after living years abroad, and hating my judgment to live there, but I finally accepted what my purpose there was.

The story is really simple, after my SPM I started to go out with my friends at night, we drank until we started to throw up, we ‘rented’ any woman we can ‘rent’ and heck we even stayed at one club until it closed in the morning. So that was my life, and I thought it was gonna be better when I left for college, but as fate would have brought it, I was chosen to go to Jordan, to further my study in social psychology. I never thought I would end up there, because I always thought that I’d go to Amsterdam, and I would get smashed during class, bang some hot chicks at night, and spend my weekends getting high while listening to some Dutch rock band, or English indie band. But it was my only offer, and my other choice was to find some private universities, but my parent didn’t want me to turn down the offer, because it was a full sponsorship. It was PLKN all over again. The only reason that I think I got in is because I took that extra subject, Arabic Language. I didn’t regret taking those lessons but I really regret passing them. The only reason I took Arabic is because I always wanted to pick up chicks using foreign language, and since nobody ever tried picking up chicks using Arabic I took them, it made me stand out from all the guys, but it also made me go to Jordan.

While I was studying my parent didn’t want me to go back to Kuching, maybe they didn’t want me to go and get smashed with my friends back there, or maybe they just didn’t want me back. But I figured that they wanted me to be a pious guy, but I wasn’t, so I’m not going to be a hypocrite. The first two years was hard, I’ve only have 2 friends and they are Arabic dude, who only talks to me in Arabic or English, but mostly Arabic, since they dig my accent so much. I never thought I would use the language to talk with dudes. I never went out at night mostly because there is no bar near here, even if there were, it would be miles away. And I never got drunk, because there is no alcohol. In the absent of those stuff, I got more time to spare, so I took up writing blogs. At first the only thing that I wrote about is how miserable my life is, that was until my third year, in semester six. I was involve with this freshmen welcoming session, partly I was involve because I wasn’t too active and I was one the few that can talk in three different language, Malay, English and Arabic, and I met this girl, from Malaysia, and she was perfect, and I mean in every way I can think. Her name is Mawar. She was very shy at first, but once I talked to her, she was quite friendly. And I never thought I’d fall for a girl like her, but I did. It took me quite some time to figure out that I was in love with her, and my Arab roommate helped make me realize that I was in love with her, and I was thankful to him. His name is Ahmed, but I call him Matt, and he liked the way I say his name, I never understood why he was so into Malay language, but I found out anyway, it turns out his mother is Malay, his father is Arabic. He’s been living in Jordan since he was small so he never learned anything about his Malay heritage.

Anyway back to my story, I was gonna make her mine, but I didn’t know how to. It was really hard to show her how I really feel for her. I tried giving flowers with a card signed with my name, but she just threw the card away. And I helped her carry her books to class, and ended up carrying all her friends’ books. That was until one night, when I finally got her to meet me alone at the library. We talked about the assignments that she was doing, which I told her I would help. Thankfully some of the new friends that I met this semester helped me get her friends away from her for some time. So there we were, we talked until I stopped explaining to her about the work. She wrote down everything I said, and while I stopped talking, she wrote something else. There I had my momentum, I was gonna express my feeling to her right now.

“Um.. Mawar?”
“Yes, brother Nas?”
“I have to tell you something.”
“What is it? Is it about the calculations that you’ve been telling me about?”
“No, it’s something else. It has something to do with me and you.”
“Me? Is it about the new campus rule?”
“No... Listen its hard for me to say this, especially in the library.”
“Say what?”
“Um... I really like you Mawar!”
“I know, you like me Brother Nas, I’ve always known. I know you sent me those flowers, and all those chocolates. But I’m here to study, I have long years ahead of me, and so do you. I can’t just waste my life with love, I have to be a devout Muslim and think about what others might see me as, if they see me going out with you. You’re not like any of the other guys here, you’re like a libertarian. I know about those blogs you wrote. And I also know that you’re a drinker. But I can’t I’m sorry. But if you really love me, then you’ll change, and you’ll wait.”
“I…”

I couldn’t finish those sentences. It was the first time I ever got rejected. And it hurts. And somehow, I know that she likes me too, but with all I’ve done before in my life, I don’t think I can repent. I knew that I have to change, but I don’t know how, I love her so, but I don’t know what to do. After we were done with the assignments, I grabbed all my stuff, and walk quickly without looking back, I think I heard her calling my name, but I acted as thought I didn’t hear her. As I reached my room, I threw all my stuff on my study table, and jumped on my bed. I turned my laptop MP3 player on and the song Only You suddenly came on. It kinda described how I felt at the moment, and I cried silently, and I cried in my dream, and then I cried hard while I was taking a shower. Then I was ok. I started to realize all my mistakes; I have to change, not for her, not for anyone, but for me. I have to stop writing those blogs, and stop hating my life so much, and start doing what is right. I have to be on the right path again. I have to find Allah again. After that incident I started going to all my class, and attending those nightly Quran sessions that they held at the mosque. I was a newborn Muslim. I am really starting to feel the change, with all those things occupying me, I started acing all my classes, and almost forgotten about Mawar.

I spent almost everyday studying, and praying, and performing my duties to my religion. And due to this change in me, I started to make new friends, best friends, Matt became my best friend here, and we started to hang out, and I even thought him how to speak Malay. And even on occasions I hung out with Mawar and her gang, but I never got close enough to even speak with her. She would only smile at me from a far away, and so did I.

And then finally it was my final semester in University of Jordan, and I just finished my final examination. I’m expecting good result on this paper. I started packing, since my parent was already here a week before my final paper, it was the third time they visited me here, and probably is the last. I’ve already befriended everyone in campus, old and young, stupid and smart, heck I even make friends with the janitor. This was probably my last day spent here in Jordan, aside from my graduation day to come next year.

My things were all packed and ready. I said my goodbye to all my friends, especially to Matt, and since he was my best friends, or more like a brother to me, it was really sad to leave him. But as it turns out, he decided to work in Kuching, because his father’s company is establishing a branch in Malaysia based in Kuching. And he was supposed to be the manager there. So it didn’t turn out to be a sad depart but more of a happy news. He was going to Kuching next week.

Then I met with Mawar, she was the girl that changed me, she made me changed. If I never met her I would have never change, it kinda feels awkward for me to say goodbye to her. She smiled at me, like she always does. And we talked about something unimportant which I do not remember, but I do remember what she said afterwards.

“Well brother Nas, I’m really happy for you.”
“Thanks Mawar. I really appreciate it.”
“He he... I never got to say what I wanted to say to you before.”
“What do you want to say?”
“Well after that day that I told you all those things, I actually wanted to tell you that I also like you. Even when our eyes first meet, at that freshmen meet that day. I never thought that you’d change so drastically. But it was better this way, you a better person than you were before.”
“Yea, I’m happy with what I’d done. And I didn’t regret changing. It was all worth it, all the friends I’ve met, and especially you. And like you said that day, if I love you so much, then I’ll wait. And that’s what I’ll do. I’ll wait for you to come back.”
“Thanks for remembering that. Will you promise me?”
“I promise you, I’ll wait.”

She smiled again, and we said goodbye one last time.

It’s been exactly one year. 3rd of January, the day that I came back from Jordan, and today I’m picking up my fiancé from the airport, she’s coming here to marry me after finishing her studies. While I waited I met this guy named Saf who just came from KL that said he was meeting his girlfriend who he promised to come back to. I met him at McDonald eating a big Mac next to my table. Then after he said goodbye, the announcement saying the arrival of my fiancé’s airplane was made. I stood up and waited outside the arrival hall. She wore red kebaya, and a matching red scarf, she already took her bags and saw me outside. I smiled at her, and felt that all that waiting was worth it.

“Mawar. Welcome back my sayang…”

far away, but never gone...

2008-12-18T06:58:00.000-08:00

it has been 13 years since my last visit to Sarawak, i was about 5 at the time. my mom and dad just got a divorce, so i spent one week in Sarawak, and one week in K.L. there was nothing i could do about their relationship, since they haven't seen in other in 12 years. in my I.C it is written Mohamad Safar Bin Ismail, but i barely knew my father. the only man that i knew while growing up is my grandfather, the only reason is because me and my mom live with them, and by them i mean my grandmother and grandfather. my dad visits sometime, but he only sees me for a couple of days, usually when he has a meeting in K.L, or he's on his way somewhere overseas, but mostly he works from his office in Kuching. but enough about them, this story is not about them at all, its about me, Saf, and this girl that i met, whose name i will tell as you read on...

i go to a private college in K.L, or to be specific in Cyberjaya. most of the year i spent with my friends and my cousins in K.L, but this year was a little different, since most of my friend are somewhere in Europe or America, and my cousins are spending time with their family, my mom decided to send me to my father in Sarawak. i pleaded to her so that i don't have to go, but she insisted in me going. i was a little sour when she sent me to the airport, but since she gave me a whole lot of money to be spent there i smiled a little. i waved goodbye to her as she left me alone at the airport. 1 or 2 hours later, i was in Kuching airport.i was amazed, the airport changed a lot from what i remembered, it looked almost as good as KLIA, but not good enough. i waited for my bags to come, i brought about 4 bags for about 3 month here. my dad was already outside waiting. he waved at me and i just nodded my head and walked to him with the trolley filled with my bags. as i walked outside, i saw this most breathtaking sight, which was the new airport's outside. i kinda like it, it suits my mood. and another surprise is that kuching have more fly-over than i can remember, last i came here, Satok was the only place that has a fly-over. but K.L has tons of those things, i mean why do i even bother with these stupid things, i'm telling a story about this girl that i met, and i'm still not telling her name.

i arrive at my father's house. he lived alone, in this really big house all the way in Matang. we didn't talk much, probably because i don't know what to talk about to him, and the only topic that i could think of was how much Kuching changed, but that didn't go far. we arrived at home, the lights were already home, it was bigger than our house in K.L. then at home, i noticed there was someone else in the house because when he didn't used the key, instead he ringed the bell. someone opened the door, i hoped it was not some girl, and it wasn't, it was just my cousin, Danny. i wondered what he was doing here, and my father said he was staying here because his parents is on a honeymoon in Monaco or italy or something. Danny is just 13 years old. i brought my bags to my room, which my father said is upstairs, i opened the door and saw this room, which was like those fancy hotel room, it wasn't to my liking but i guess it will do. i placed my bags into the closet, and jumped on the bed. the room had a HDTV, airconditioning, and its own bathroom. i feel like i'm sleeping in a hotel, only there's no room service, and its free.

i called my mom to tell her that i've arrived at dad's house, and i also told her that about how much kuching have changed too. somehow i felt sleepy all of a sudden, so i turned the tv off, switched off the lights and closed my eyes. but as i closed my eyes i couldn't sleep, so i toss and turned but i still couldn't i guess its because i'm not used to the place yet, so instead i got off the bed and walked to the balcony, figuring probably after some fresh air i could get some sleep.

then while i was standing on the balcony, i saw some lights from a motorcycle or scooter or something, and a few moments later i heard the sound, it was a scooter. i looked even more closer to the scooter and noticed it was a girl riding the scooter. my house was in front of a corner, and it was a hard bend corner, i notice that there was a car coming from the opposing direction, and the car didn't have the lights turned on, and i wanted to warn her but it was too late, she did manage to evade the car but she was thrown in front of the gate of to my house. i just had to help her.

i ran downstairs and noticed that my dad was still in his studies, doing work, so i didn't bother calling him, so i quickly ran downstairs opened the front door, and the front gate. she managed to get the scooter off her but she was still on the ground. i ran to help her. i gave her my hand and she grabbed mine, she tried but she couldn't get up, so i gave her a little pull. she did managed to stand with my help, but her legs were bleeding.

"er.. your leg is bleeding. do you need any help?"

"no its fine, i can still walk, just barely anyway."

"don't worry, lets go inside, i'll fix the cut for you"

"you'd do that for me? thanks."

i gave her my shoulder so she could walk a little bit, and a few shoulder later, we were in front of my house, next she was on the sofa. my dad then came down to find out what i was doing there.

"Saf, really? you've only been here only a couple of hours and you're already bringing home some girl."

"no dad, she was in an accident outside, i helped her. and she's bleeding, do you have any medical kits here?"

" in the kitchen, next to the cutlery."

i ran to the kitchen and grabbed the medical kit, and i wondered why he put it next to the knife and stuff. maybe cause he cuts himself everytime he uses the knife. anyway, i walked to the living room, and opened the kit in front of her. i used the cotton to wipe her blood, and dipped another balls of cotton with iodine.

"its gonna sting a little," then i slowly tapped the cotton on her cut, she bit her a tounge to ease the pain, but i knew she was still in pain. alter i used the bandage to wrap her legs.

there, its all better now."

"thanks, how come you're so good at this?"

"ow, you know, i used to be in the National Service and all."

"oh, i forgot to introduce myself, i'm Hani,"

"i'm Saf, nice to meet you Hani,"

"nice to meet you too, freaky way to meet ain't it?well i best be going then."

"wait do you want me to send you? your leg is still in bandages,"

"its okay, i only live a few houses from yours,"

"then i'll walk you there. your scooter is kinda totaled"

"thanks again."

i showed her the way out. i told my dad that i was sending her home, and then i went out. she was still limping, but it wasn't like before. i pulled her scooter so it could stand, and tried to start it, and it started, but i noticed the tyres were all messed up, so riding the scooter was out of the question. she looked at me, and wanted to grab the handle of the bike, but i wouldn't let her, instead i myself towed the scooter. we walkes side by side, while i pushed the scooter. we talked about stuff, and what kind of stuff i wasn't sure, but it had something to do with what i'm studying and about my dad and my mom. we reached her house, like she said, it wasn't that far from my house, i parked her scooter under the porch. she thanked me again, and i said welcome. i told her to change the bandages in a couple more hours. she smiled at me, and i smiled back. i said my goodbye, but before i left she grabbed my shoulder and as i turned around, she gave me a little kiss on the cheeks, it was a surprise to me, but it felt kinda nice, and kinda right. i said goodbye again to her, and waved at her. i couldn't get the stupid grin off my face, and it didn't went away, even when i was on the bed that night, and probably when i was asleep too, since i dreamt of her that night.

that morning i woke up and that grin was still on my face. i seriously couldn't get that grin off my face. even my dad thinks that grin is stupid, and my little cousin. then i remembered that Danny had an older brother, Dini, who is the same age as me. and it turns out he's here in Kuching too, and but he's still at this camp, thats why Danny is staying here, just untill he's back tomorrow. meanwhile i had to stay here and do nothing. i stopped grinning, and asked my dad if i can borrow his car, and he gave the key to his CR-V.

it took for me quite some time to get used to the car, since back in KL i drive a Kenari, and the CR-V is a little different, but i got used to it. i drove around a few houses then i noticed that i was already in front of Hani's house. i dont really know what i'm doing there but somehow i just gotta meet her again, i was gonna honk but she came out of the house. her hair was tied in this different way than any girl would tie their hair, so that is what i remember about her. she saw me and ran to my car.

"what are you doing here Saf?"
"you know, i was gonna see how you are feeling, after that fall and all."
"i'm fine."
"how's the cut?"
"its okay, its better than it was last night."
"you know what, i'll cut this bullcrap now. i was gonna do this slowly but, do you wanna go for a ride with me? show me aroud Kuching?"
"i'm not sure me 'riding' with you is such a good idea,"
"uh, bad choice of words there."
"why would you wanna around Kuching?"
"i'm a KL boy, so i dont know my way around here. i'm in desperate need of a guide."
"okay, i will show you around this city."

she showed me everything there is to show around Kuching, and she even showed me where the best food place is, and from what she said, and from what i've eaten, i would probably say that Suhai is my favourite place. we spent the entire day and night just driving around Kuching. untill it was very late,then i sent her home. i drove back to my house, and slept easily, with no stupid grin on my face.

the next morning, Danny woke me up to tell me that my father wanted me to pick up Dini from his camp in Damai. so i did what he told me, mostly because i wanted to see that guy again, the last time we met was when i was still i form 1, in Genting, and that was just by accident. anyway, the drive was long, since Damai was like on the edge of this place, but its a nice place if you wanna chill at a beach. when i arrived, Dini was already waiting with his bag by his side, wearing sunglasses, a cap and those mod scarf (the plaided kind). wow he looked so indie rock, or more like mod, or something in between. i unlocked the door, and Danny opened the door and called out to Dini. he noticed us and ran to the car. he placed his bags inside. only when he was inside that he noticed that it was me.

"Saf?"
"Yeah Its me, hey Dini!"
"dude, how long has it been?"
"i think 4 or 5 years?"
" yeah i think so."

we talked all the way back form Damai, and we talked about everything. and i even told him about my meeting with Hani. i asked him what he was doing at Damai, and he said it was for this seminar on advertising or something. i didn't pay enought attention to it. i sent him back to his house in Gita, but he insisted that Danny stay with my dad, because he was going out, and by the looks of it, out all night. he took out his own car, which was a pearl white Honda Vios. when i saw that i was amazed, it was so shiny, like a new coin, or a metal foil, or a bald guy's head. after i sent Danny back to my house, Dini came to pick me up. he said we were going out to play snooker and hit the town, which of course means go to some bar or club.

i wanted to call Hani to bring her with me, but somehow, i just didn't want to ruin a guy's night out by bringing a girl. so i only texted her the entire time. we hungout the whole night, and then we came home at about 12 or later, but when we got home, i saw an ambulance parked in front of Hani's house. i felt something was wrong, so i asked Dini to drive oevr to her house. it was Hani on the stretcher, being put into the ambulance. i knew something was up, so i got out and asked her mother what happened, and it turns out that she fell down the stairs. so i followed the ambulance to the hospital, with Dini on the wheels. we slept at the hospital that night.

i woke up at 6, and asked the reception where Hani's ward is. it was located at level 4, the bone department. it turns out she broke her leg after falling down. when i was in the ward, her mother greeted me, and started to act as if i;m the first guy friend that she has. and as her mother started to talk it turns out that i was. she said that the reason that she doesn't have any guy friend is because she's really clumsy. but i never recall her being clumsy when i was around her. she woke up a few moments later, and was blushing when she saw me in the ward with her mother. i asked where her father is, and she replied back that he was in europe. then her mother started rambling about how when she was little, she used to fall down bicycles and stuff, and that every guy that she ever encountered was too foolish to get used to her being clumsy, so they never stay. but her mother was thankful that i didn't run when i heard that she broke her leg. i promised her that i won't go. and i got close to Hani after her mother left to buy some food, and slowly told her that i won't leave her, and gave her a little peck on the cheek. she smiled at me, and started to blush. then i told her that i was going home to change my clothes. Dini drove me home, and i changed. i drove my own car to the hospital, and spent my time with her there.

everyday i went to the hospital to check on her, and helped her with therapy for her leg to start walking again. her mother was impressed with what i'm doing for her, and when i was alone with her mother while Hani was in the doctor's office, her mother said that she never made it more than a day without breaking or cutting or even damaging any part of her body by accident. and she thanked me. i only smiled back, since i know that in 2 more weeks that i won't be in Kuching anymore.

my dad knew that i have been spending my time with her at the hospital, he even gave me gas money everyday. Hani was ready to go home, i drove her home with her mother beside her. her legs were still in a cast, but she can walk a little bit. when she was home, my dad came to visit her, and so did Dini. i helped move her around, and for dinner i brought her out to eat at Suhai, it was like her favourite. i'm going back to KL in four more days, i told her already, she seemed okay. it was my last night to eat with her, since tomorrow i had to eat with my dad, then with Dini, then with my other family on my father's side. that night while i was eating, she stared at my me so i stopped eating and looked back at her.

"what's wrong?"
"ow, nothing."
"i'm sorry i have to leave, but its just that i live there."
"its okay. i just wanna say thank you. thank you for helping me go through all this, i don't think i was gonna survive another broken part."
"i did it because i wanted too."
"i kinda like it when you're around, i never feel like i'm gonna screw up or anything, maybe that's why i didn't fall or anything when i was out with you last three weeks. it's like you give me balance, or its like you give me another pair of legs."
"maybe its because when i walk with you, i always held your hand."
"maybe that's it. thanks for always holding my hands, even when they are are cold as ice."
"i promise that i won't forget you. and i did promise not to leave you, i'm sorry i have to break that promise. i'll be back in a few more weeks."

she smiled at me, and a little drop of tear started rolling down her cheeks, i used a tissue paper to rub it off her. after we ate, i helped her into my car. then i drove her home. just in front of her house, i helped her out of the car, and sent her to the door.her father was already home, so i didn't bother to go in, i only sent her up to her front door. before she went in, she gave me one long kiss.

and after i went back to KL, i never forgot about her. i promised that i was coming back, and i will. i'm buying the ticket to Kuching right now. :)

Kiss Me Now That I'm Older

2008-09-03T04:24:00.000-07:00

i was 13, young, naive and had no idea whatsoever about girls, or even dating. but this one particular girl came into my life and changed me forever. her name, Melissa. i never met her before, and she never met me before. our meeting at the airport was coincidental, or some might call it fate. but whatever it was, it brought us to meet each other there.

i was doing some of my assignment at the park, some geography assignment. we were to choose, either drawing a map of the place where we live, and write a report about it, or take a photograph of a tree, and write the history of the tree. i for one chose the tree, since the tree in the park had a history to it, the first tree in Kuching, the tree that was there when they declared independence to this state and more. so it was mere of connecting the points that i had . so there i was, dragging my camera on my neck,a sling bag and some file of the things that i already researched at the DBKU library on my hand.

it was hot, and i've been doing the research all day long, since morning to be exact. there was a bench, and so i decided to take a few minutes rest. i put the file next to me while the camera was still hangin on my neck, my bag was also with me. i just relaxed, and stretched my legs a little to get rid of the fatigue. then the most glorious thing happen, this strong wind blew and i felt more comfortable, forgetting my file that was beside me. when i have finally realized the wind blew everything in my file away, it was already too late. all the research notes that i had was already in mid air, and some of it are halfway across the field. in a nanosecond, i ran and grabbed each one that was still flying, and the ones that were on the ground.finally there was one left, which was over the edge of the field, near the road. i ran while holding the notes tightly on my hand.

then just as i was about to grab the last one, i jolted onto someone that was in front of me. i fell on my back, and the pain on my forehead was unbearable. i held my head, and put the rest of the notes inside of my bag. i used both hands now to hold my head to check if there was any bump on my head, and to see if i was bleeding. but i wasn't bleeding and no bumps whatsoever. i finally stood up slowly, and saw the other guy that jolted unto me. it was a girl. she wasn't lying down, but kneeling, and did what i did before, holding the head part. she wasn't screaming or anything, but i'm sure that it wasn't that bad. she finally stood up and grabbed my last note.

"hey wait, thats mine!"

"what are you talking about kid?"

"that note, its mine."

"it is? then tell me what do you know about biology?"

"bio-what? what are you talking about? thats my geography paper!"

"see for yourself."

she showed me the paper and it was a picture of a half sliced frog. i scratched my head, and turned to her face.

"i'm sorry miss. guess it was my fault. i didn't see what it was."

"thats all you could say? at least you could offer me some drinks as a sorry thing!"

"okay. i'm sorry. would you accept my treat for a drink as a token of apologies?"

"sure thing kid."

"you do know thats bullying a kid right?"

"hey! you offered me."

"okay!"

we walked a few blocks away and arrived at Hopoh. i bought her some Cola, while i bought 100 plus. she walked with me for a few minutes and then we found a place to sit. she sat in front of me, staring at me, trying to find something wrong with me. i pretended not to notice her staring at me. then suddenly she grabbed my cheeks and started squeezing it hardly.

"you're so cute kid!"

"what are you doing that hurts."

"sorry kid."

"stop calling me kid. i have a name, its Ben."

"well sorry, Ben. i didn't know your name. i'm Melissa."

she asked me a lot of question, and answered them lightly, and some of them i didn't even answer. afterwards my handphone rang, and i took it out from my pocket. then after my me and my mom finished talking, she grabbed my phone from my hand.

"who's that? you're girlfriend?"

"that was my mom!"

"jeez... mellow out Ben. relax. aren't you too young to have a handphone?"

"it was my brother's. he bought a new one. so he gave me the old one."

"really? well, your model is like mine."

she took out her own handphone, which was the same model as mine, but with a different colour, mine was grey, and hers was blue. she dialled something on my phone, and then did something else to it. then she reached for her phone and did the same thing.

"thats done."

"what did you do?"

"this!"

she dialled a number, and my phone suddenly rang. i looked at the screen and saw her name pop up.

"its so i can call you anytime kid."

"huh?"

"well i gotta go. i have a tuition class this evening. see you there."

"who's picking you up?"

"you kidding? i drive myself, kid."

she got up from her seat, and walked away from me. i decided to follow her. i followed her until the parking lot. i saw her getting in to the car, it was a red Proton Wira, and after reversing, she put on her sunglasses, waved at me and drove away.her car was cool.

after my mom picked me up that evening, i finished my project and turned on my computer. i typed the whole project down so i could print it later, then played dungeon keeper 2, a game that i just bought last week. i played the game until about seven, and i received a text message from Melissa. she texted 'Hello kid!' to me. i texted back, saying 'hello' back to her. she texted to me asking me if i got her biology note. i checked my bag and by chance i did have her note. 'yeah i do' was what i texted back to her. she told me to meet her a place called Pustaka. so i told her that i'll meet her two days later, which was Wednesday.my mom sent me to Pustaka, that Wednesday. it was the very first time i went there since primary 5. Pustaka was better than i can remember, but i wasn't really familiar with the place. i waited for her at the fountain, and waited for her to text me back. she didn't text me back, and i was starting to think she was setting me up on a prank. and i was already giving up, so i stood up and started to walk away, when suddenly someone tapped me on the shoulder. i turned around and saw her smiling at me, wearing red top and Levi's jeans.

i handed her the notes, and she grabbed my hands and brought me outside. we were at the stairs near the lake, and she held my arms tightly.

"Ben, i think i like you."

"you like me?"

"yes!"

"um... i'm just a kid. and you're like seventeen or something."

"age doesn't change the fact that i like you.no! i think i love you."

"love me? i'm 13 and i don't even know how to like a girl, or even treat a girl right."

"don't worry i'll show you how to do it slowly."

"um... so what now?"

"well now, you're my boyfriend! and you know what else?"

"wha.."

just as i was about to finish my sentence, she kissed me on the lips, and hugged me. it was my very first kiss. and it wasn't with some girl the same age as me, or the little kid kiss like the ones you would see in America's funniest home videos. it was very long, and since i was just a kid back then, i almost lost my breath. after she kissed me, she laughed.

"we could work on that later."

END

will you still love me tomorrow?

2008-08-17T00:50:00.000-07:00

everything went silent, it was an awkward moment for both of us. she stared straight at me. eventhough she was sitting down, after hearing what i said, i think it made her sit down once again. nobody was expecting this. even me. so in the heat of embarasing myself even more, i ran outside. her party continued on after i ran out. i walked towards my Honda Prelude, and banged the hood. then the weather turned bad. it started to rain. i went inside the car, and just sat there, thinking away. it wasn'talways like this, me and Farah, we are best friends.

it was about six years ago, i was still twelve years old, but i was in form one. it wasn't such a big deal or anything, there were about ten of us in the class, and some few others in the other class. anyway, it wasn't because of my age that made it difficult, it was rather that i just moved here at that time. so it was kind of weird for someone like me to make friends so quickly. so it was my first day in form one in a new place, i had no friends, and i just arrived in class. the teacher inside wanted me to introduced myself to everyone which i did, but all my class mate at that time gave me a weird look. so at first i felt isolated, the teacher told me to get a seat at this desk near some girl. i slowly walked down to my desk, but someone tripped me, and i fell on my knees in front of my desk with all of my books on the floor. the guy that tripped me is Is, my now best friends. nobody would help me, even the teachers told me to stop playing around and quickly pick up my things. so this girl helped me. she grabbed some of my books, and put it on my desk. she smiled and offered her hand to help me up. i reached for her hand, and that was when i saw her, she introduced herself to me, and i now know her name, Farah. since then she helped me adjust to the school, meet ney friends, and even made Is apologize to me. the rest of it is history.

in the present day...

i listen to the disc that i played before coming to her house, and that stupid disc was the whole reason i confessed to her at that time. songs by Cake-Strangers in the night, Death Cab-Earth Angel, and other love songs.it sounded really convincing when you wanted to do it, but right at that moment i felt stupid. i didn't knew she had a new boyfriend. that damn guy. the only reason i confessed to her was because i received this offer to study in Australia. i was going to suprised her after we got together, but things kind of got out of hand, and i don't think i will be talking to her in the next few days. thank goodness most of the people that went to her party was friends, not my friends. if Is saw me today, he would laughed his ass off. the rain got heavier, and the time was already late, so i had to go home. but before i drove away, i took the love song CD and threw it outside, there was no need to listen to those gay songs anymore.

for the next couple of days, my life went on as usual, and i started to pack some of my stuff that i needed, like my PS2, and my clothes, and some other crap that i may need. my mom also gave me some money to buy some shirt and pants before i leave. shopping for new clothes always gave me a headache, so usually i brought along Farah to help me, but she usually ended up buying some of her own stuff. anyway, since i couldn't talk to her, i just went on by myself.

shopping alone is harder than it seems, especially, when picking the right colours, and patterns. but i remembered everything Farah told me, always choose one black shirt, and buy the pants with the line things, and when choosing jeans, choose Levi's. i remembered all that and i finished shopping.i was going out to lunch, and since i never eat alone i called Is to meet me up at the foodcourt in TJ. he was always ready to go anywhere, and this was odd, considering that he was already in college. Is attends a private college, and because of that he is proud, or something. he doesn't need to go anywhere, he's gonna inherit his father's company.

i waited for Is at the lift lobby. five minutes after he called me, he was already in front of me, wearing his slick glass, expensive pants, and Armani exchange t-shirt. he was quite a dazzler, but he only dated one girl only, and they are engaged now. i never knew why he settled for this girl, if you saw these two at a party, they look like heaven and hell, the girl is sweet innocent looking, with the bright eyes, while the guy looks like hugh hefner. just by looking at him, you would assume he is a player.

we bought our food, and sat at the table near the window. i looked down and saw all this kids just hanging out at SP, and its kinda lame. a this whole time Is was staring at me. i knew he was about to say something.

"hey Ed?, is there anything new that i should know about?"

"huh? like what?"

"you know, anything....."

"dude! you knew about it!"

"what?! i don't know nothing."

"clear the shit, i've known you for years, i certainly know it when you know something"

"alright... i knew about the incident alright!"

"did Farah told you?"

"no, it was posted in Youtube, under the title 'embarassing confession boy' and this other video called 'awkward situation'. when i saw it it had one hundred thousands view."

"are you serious?"

"of course not. Farah told me yesterday when we were at our grandfather's birthday."

"owh.. how is she anyway?"

"you haven't spoken to her yet?"

"no! why would i? not after that. and not after i knew about her new boyfriend."

"yeah, about that, she broke up with him."

"why did she do that?"

"it turns out the guy was gay. his father forced him to go out with Farah"

"shit! now i'm just confused. i'm going in a few days, and i haven't even apologize for walking out on her party last week."

"make a decision quick jackass!"

after finished having lunch, i quickly got up and ran to the carpark. Is said he was going to get his fiance', so i was left alone once again. i started the car and drove out of the carpark. i drove quickly to Farah's house. i passed a few redlights, and almost hit a few cars but i didn't take it to much. so without regard for my safety i drove more faster. if my fate was with her, then it is, there is nothing in the living world that can go against fate.

as i've said before, its fate, me and Farah are meant to be together, nothing can't stop me. suddenly, there was this cat that was crossing the street, and i was driving so fast that my brake couldn't slowed the car. so i swerved the car and my car ended up inside a ditch.

i wasn't hurt bad or anything, but my car was badly damaged, and that is possibly a sign that its not my fate to be with her. my left hand was a little scratch, and my there was a big cut on my forehead. i reached for my handphone, and dialled Farah's number. she answered after a few moment.

"hello?"

"Farah?"

"Ed?"

"listen, i'm sorry about last week."

"its okay...umm..Ed..."

"i need to say something, this whole time that i wasn't with you, i felt as if i'm empty. as if there is something missing."

"oh Ed.. i..."

"let me just say something. i'm going to Australia this Saturday. remember the university application that we filled together? i got in. i was gonna share the exitement with you, but things happen that shouldn't have happen, and i'm sorry, and i hope you will live happily with someone other than me. it seems that i'm not for you, as you are not for me. bye..."

i called the tow truck, and told them where to find my car. afterwards i climbed out of my car, and waited for someone to pick me up. i didn't care about my car, i'm going to Australia anyway. i waited for the tow truck to come. the truck driver sent me home, while the car was sent to the workshop. i received a neverending call from Farah, but i purposely didn't answer them. i accidently answered this one time but i couldn't speak to her, maybe it was because my heart was to hurt, or maybe because it seems to hard to speak. but i never answered them.

finallythe day came. some of my family member was here to send me away, and some of my friend were here too. i felt the cries of my parent, my cousins and friends, and i cried back. but not because of leaving them but because i never got the chance to love the girl of my life. she wasn't even here, so it hurt me even more. i was going alone, since one of my cousin was already in Australia, and i'm suppose to live with him. the flight gate was already open, so i said my final goodbye to everyone that came, and lined up to the immigration counter. the hand luggage that i carried was only my backpack, and my laptop. i reached for my handphone wanting to off it, but Farah called me. i was hesitant to answer the call, but i made up my mind after thinking that i never will be able to speak to her again.

"hello.."

"Ed! i made up my mind. i love you. i've always have."

"what are you talking about?"

"just like you, my life was empty without you to brighten up my morning. without you to stand there right beside me!"

"Farah, its too late. i'm already going to board the plane."

"i'm outside! i'm with your family now!"

i slowly turned around and saw her just outside the window, waving at me. i ended the call, and ran outside to meether.

"how come you were late?"

"traffic"

she hugged me tightly, and i hugged back. she stared me in the eyes, and slowly, we kissed.

"LAST CALL FOR FLIGHT NUMBER MH44568 MALAYSIA AIRLINES TO SYDNEY!"

The flight announcement surprised the both of us.

"you know Farah, i can stay here..."

"no just go. there will be summer break for you. so make sure you come home okay?"

"i will, i promise."

"i know you would."

i went back to immigration counter and happily checked in. and the inly thing that is still playin in my mind is that will she still love me after all the time have passed? i can't make sure that will love me, but i can try. before going to the boarding gate, i turned around one last time, and saw her still standing outside the glass, looking at me go, she blew me a kiss, and i just smiled while walking away entering the airplane.

THE END?

promise me this

2008-07-19T09:19:00.000-07:00

"when you're down, and everythings seems not so right, don't fret. i'm always there."

those were the words that i said to her the time that i we professes our feeling of love. it was night, and the street light that were shing above us gave a very romantic scene, although i was never the romantic type. she made me like this, she turned me into this romantic guy that i never wanted to become. my friends said that i was a fool in love, but i argued that i wasn't. i cut my social lives in two, one for her and her friends, and another one for my friends. and despite that i hated what i've become, i never voiced what i thought to her. i tried many times, but her very presence just turned me into another guy.

she was always with me. but now she may never be with me again. and it was all because of what my friends told her friends told her. i said some very bad things about her, but i never thought she would know of it.

but news travels fast especially if one of your friends are dating one of her friends. it really wasn't that smart talking trash about your girlfriend behind her back, and getting dumped the very next day after she heard it. it all happened last week.

i never saw it coming, i never saw it going, and i felt like it never even happened. i'm still in my room, still crying with no tears, which i have no idea why. all my friends was worried about me, and they all tried to cheer me up by introducing me to a couple of girls and bringing me to some club. but it didn't even move me. without her i was like a living puppet. i can't believe i'm saying this but she gave me what i never had, her breath gave me live, her smile brings me hope, and her presence there give me movement. but most of all, her kiss gives me emotion. i may sound a little gay this time but if you saw me then you would know what i was talking about.

so my friends and a couple of her friend tried to patch things up between us. but i never liked that idea so instead i isolated myself from the world. i rent up a room in Sematan. finally i was alone. i felt i can start new. i stayed there for a week. for the first few days i locked myslef in the room, then afterwards, i started to go out to the beach more. i never knew why but the beach always gave me some kind of forgetting feeling.

i went swimming in the sea for one whole day. then the next day, i used my motorcycle to ride the beach, and then went swimming again. and the routine is still the same for the next couple of days. untill the last night i would be staying here, my mind was clear, i was happy finally. i called my friends over to join in on my barbeque.

the time was almost twelve a.m.

still none of my friends has shown up. i gave up on them about an hour ago. i started the fire, and cooked all the things that are marinated. i used almost one whole bottle of fire starter liquid to start the fire. some even went on my sleves. the beach is really windy at night and i cannot start the fire without the firestarter.

after my chicken was cooked. i placed it all on a big plate. my friends didn't come. or they are still on their way. i did not know, on the way here, you can't get any line. but here the lines great. i sat next to the open barbeque, which was almost done. i cooked almost all the chickens, the hotdogs, and the lamb.

all of a sudden a car pulled up nearby. i thought it was my friend, but it wasn't their car. maybe some other stayers. i walked back to my barbeque. still i waited, and checkd my phone. still no calls from them. the time was eleven thirty five. i fell asleep in front of the fire for a little while. i must have been tired from all the swimming today. a few minutes later i opened my eyes and saw her in front of me.

"Emylia? Am i dreaming again?"

"no you're not Ed. its really me!"

"NO! i'm dreaming! I had this dream before!"

"No, you're not Ed. Its really me, its your Emy!"

i stood up and touched the grill which was kinda hot. i rubbed my eyes. now i know that it wasn't a dream. the pain from the grill was a giveout already. she was here, right in front of me. i asked myself what should i do? my friends all came out from the car that pulled in earlier. they all laughed and screamed at me to go hug her. i smiled back and i'm still thinking what i should do. i left my thoughts and tried to run towards her. but i smelled something burning. it was my hand. my hands was on fire. i ran around screamingmy lungs out. my friends tried to put it out using sand but somehow Emylia succesfully put out the fire using the marinated chicken leftover. the fire was put out somehow.i could still feel the burnt on my arm but i couldn't care. she was here. she wanted me back. and she forgave me for all the things that i said. then she gave me my life back, she hugged me and gave me a kiss. everything was right again. my friends all laugh at me, as it turns out her friends was here all week watching me, in case i did something terrible to myself. guess that's what friends are for.

"when you're aflame i'll put it out for you." she said softly to me. so i replied back to her,

"when you're down, and everythings seems not so right, don't fret. i'm always there."

Pity

2008-06-06T15:59:00.000-07:00

22 years old, still young but already in love and living with her boyfriend. that is Chun, she lives with her boyfriend Kang, an architect at some big apartment in Kuching. Kang loved her as mush as he loved himself, so did Chun. but unfortunately time can cause people to fall apart.

one year later, Chun is still living with Kang, but she is not happy. Kang is always busy with his work, and usually when he comes home, he would scream at Chun or beat her. this made their relationship really distant, and as they grew apart, Chun began thinking about her own life.

Chun would go to the rooftop where she and Kang used to go. she remembered the way Kang would hug her, the way he would kiss her. their memory were up here, when both were happy, when both were close, when everything was still Okay.

one day, Kang was having a really bad day. the building plan that he worked on was rejected by his company, so he had to worked on another plan. this made him really angry and he would just spill his anger at anyone that passes near him. when he arrived home, he grabbed Chun's hand and pushed her to the sofa, and started screaming at her, and rhen he started to beat her. but in the middle of the beating, she managed to run out of the apartment. she ran away from the place, until she knew she was safe. she went to a restaurant, which was quite crowded on the outside but empty on the inside. she sat at one of the table inside and ordered her drink. she ordered something heavy to sink everything that happened to her tonight. she just couldn't take it anymore, but she need Kang, she has no one in Kuching left, all her family was in Australia. and Kang was the one that gave her all her money. she was left in a dilemma.

suddenly, there was this guy that sat next to her. he ordered a hot coffee. and just sat there a newspaper, she looked at him, then stared back to her drink while thinking again about her dilemma. while she was in her own mind the guy suddenly came up next to her and asked her, "can i keep you company miss?"

she nodded her head and the guy brought his coffee to her table. he was a scruffy looking fellow with the unshaved beard and untucked shirt. he was carrying a big camera hanging on his neck. Chun continued staring down on the table instead of looking at this stranger. he broke the silence by making small talk about the rising fuel prices, and from there, both talked fondly to each other and didn't feel awkward at all with him. Chun felt really comfortable with this guy, this stranger than the guy he knew at home. she started to forget about the pain that Kang inflicted on her as she talked more to the guy. the restaurant that they were in was almost closing, both lost track of time and after paying for their drink, they went out of the place. then they departed after saying goodbye to each other. but Chun didn't get his name, so did the guy. she regretted she didn't asked him his name as she walked on towards the apartment. just then she felt a light touch on her shoulder.

she turned around and saw the guy she talked with earlier. it seems that she forgot her jacket at the restaurant, and he brought it to her.

"thanks for my jacket," she said happily
"its okay,i'm just being nice. umm... may i know your name?" the scruffy guy asked Chun.
"call me Chun."
"Chun, i'm Ian. nice to meet you."

both talked some more, and then before Ian left, Chun gave him her phone number.

after a few days meeting, Chun felt what she felt when she first met Kang again. she couldn't remember when Kang met her fell that way recently, since the only feeling that she felt was pain. so one night, she was meeting Ian like always, but unfortunately Kang saw her with Ian and fell into a deep rage. Kang ran home and waited for Chun to get home.

Chun was home, Kang was waiting for her. He asked her where she's been, and she answered that she was with her friends. he knew that she was lying to him, so he started his beating on her again, and screamed at her while cursing at her. then after he was done with her, he locked Chun inside her room.

Chun was crying hard, she was hurt, and cannot go anywhere. this was what she had foreseen before. she had talked about this with Ian, Ian knows that this thing was gonna happen sooner or later. so without hesitation, she reached for her handphone and called Ian to help her.

Kang was taking a day off, so he was staying to keep Chun home. then the doorbell rang, Kang went to get the door and saw IAn standing there. he asked for Chun but Kang hesitated, then answered that she wasn't home. then Chun screamed Ian's name from her room. Ian knew she was locked in her room. he tried to get in but Kang stopped him. he choked Ian, but Ian reversed it and punched him several times before Kang fell on the floor. Ian unlocked the door to Chun's room and left Kang all by himself in the apartment.

Five Years later

Chun was on her way home when she saw Kang's apartment. she decided to go see him again. she was hesitant to go there, but she gathered up the courage and walked right into the elevator. it had been five years already, maybe he's change, afterall she did. Chun nows works as a real estate agent, and married to Ian, and already has a son. and she was wondering how thing was for Kang, maybe he changed a lot too.

she went to the apartment room, but there was no one there, the room had been emptied,and was waiting for someone else to rent it. she thought that maybe Kang had moved out. so she went up to the roof to reminisce about the time she used to spent with Kang. she never met Kang again after that.

Unknown to Chun...

after Chun left Kang, Kang felt into a deep depression, where he won't do anything, he lost his job, he lost all his money, and he was getting thinner and more thinner. his parents are concerned about his health, but he never replied their calls. until one day, he purchased a bottle of sleeping pill, because he couldn't sleep. he went up to the roof,and sat on the edge of the roof, and took all the pills in the bottle. he went into overdose mode, he was in a seizure, his mouth was all foamy. then in the middle of it all, he fell from the rooftop, to the ground, and ended his life once and forever.

jinxer(goodbye myself)

2008-05-04T05:06:00.000-07:00

people call me Lenny, my real name is Allan. i'm married to the most beautiful woman on this planet, and planning to have a baby. everything is going great in my life. i'm about to get a promotion, although its just a rumor, i'm pretty sure its a sure go.

Thursday, Kuching. i lost my job. my employer fired me because i lost one of our biggest client. the promotion i was about to get went out the window, along with my job. now i have to tell the bad news to my wife. i went to the parking lot in front of the office building, and my car was not there. all thats left at my parking spot was just shattered pieces of glass. my car has been stolen.

i had to take the bus home. so i waited at the bus station. there was no one there but me and two guys. it was probably because its almost evening. the bus arrived just before i came here. so i have to wait for another half-an-hour. almost fifteen minutes went by. the two guys that was at the bus station kept pointing at me. i had a feeling that something bad is about to happen. one of the guy walked slowly behind me, while the other was sitting next to me. suddenly the one behind me grabbed my hand, and held it on my back. the one next to me pulled out a knife from his pocket and pleced it near my neck. the sharp end of the knife, i can feel it on my neck.he demanded that i gave them my wallet. i was powerless, i coudn't do anything. so i gave up. i said in a nervous tone to take my wallet from my pants. they took the wallet, emptied everything, left nothing but my i.d card.

a few minutes later, the bus arrived. i walked in slowly. fortunately i had a few extra extra change in my front pocket to pay for the bus. my bag was scratched by the guys that robbed me. this was the worst day of my life. just then i thought that nothing worse can happen. i was sitting at the seat near the window. i looked outside, the bus stopped at the traffic light. next to the bus was a BMW. a new one. inside i saw someone familiar sitting at the seat next to the driver. at first i coudn't see them clearly. the BMW rolled down its window, and i saw my ex-employer. next to him was, ow shit, its my wife. the day just got worse.

the bus stopped at the station near my house. there were a whole crowd of people in the residential area. a few yards in front was a fire-engine. the hell? my house has just been on fire a few hours earlier. one of the neighbour called the fireman. why wasn't my wife aware of this? she must have been out with my boss.

i'll have to find a place to stay first. i called my wife first, using the public phone. she answered the phone calmly. when i asked her what she was doing , she answered that she was at her mothers. i told her about our house burned down, she was a little surprised. then she asked me where i wanted to stay, i told her i will stay at her mother's place. but she said her brothers just came home from K.L and the house is full. i had to stay at my friends house. i told her that i was staying at my friends house. she said goodbye, and hung up.

so i had to walk another kilometres to the next residential area. by the time i reached there my wife was already waiting for me at the front door. she didn't even gave me hug or a kiss. all she did was handed me a pile of paper, the title of the paper was, Bill of Divorcement.and she just left me. wtihout saying a word.i was frustrated. i screamed inside my head. i have been a nice guy all my life. now all this has happen i don't believe in anything anymore. i knocked on my friends doorand put all the things that is on my hand inside his house. he put me in a bachelor room, much like his. the room was empty, the walls were blank. i better start planning my revenge soon enough. now i am not the guy i used to be, i can make anything happen, for bloody revenge is bloody sweet...

Four-Eyes(I am Not Weak)

2008-05-03T16:15:00.000-07:00

i am known as Dex. i am like any other kid in Kuching. i'm just 16, and i go study Tunaz. i only go out once a week, during the weekend. in the weekdays, i just study all the time. i do other things too, like after school activities, and some sport. but this week was different. it was a long break, about one week. i hate this break because i never do anything during the break anyway, usually i just stay at home and just read some comics and graphic novel. this week was different as i said before, my parent wasn't home, they were off somewhere to Europe, and i was left to die here, just kidding, my brother is here.

my cousin just came in today from New Zealand. he just finished his second semester in college, and decided to pay me a visit for 3 month. guess he'd rather be here than there, but me i would rather be there than here. whatever. so today i was to pick him up. i went to the airport via a taxi. i wondered around the airport for quite some time until i found the landing information on the t.v hanging on the wall. i found out that his flight has just arrived. he's been in New Zealand for quite some time. he still has a house here in Kuching, his family moved to New Zealand about three Years ago. i waited at the arrival zone where people started to walked out of the luggage place, some were even running.

i waited for a few minutes until somebody suddenly tapped my shoulder. i thought it was him, but as i turned around, it was a girl. she was carrying a travelers bag, like what some people from overseas would carry,or those camping bags.

"minta maaf, mana tempat nak minta teksi? eh, salah plak, sorry, where do i get the taxi?"

seems she was not a local. she was probably from the west malaysia. plus her accent gives it away. i pointed her the way to a taxi counter which was just a few inches away. she was crowded with bags so i offered to help her. i carried some of her handheld baggage so she could go to the counter with ease. after she got the taxi ticket thing, we waited outside for a taxi. the thing with airport taxi is that, you can easily get a taxi here.i helped her to put the things in the taxi, and afterwards she thanked me. before she went in the taxi, she took out a pen, took my hand and wrote something there. then she went in and left the airport. i slowly waved at her taxi and started walking back in the airport. i glanced at my hand, and a name, a number and a few lines were written on it.'Elly,(her number),"call me when you get a chance"'

then a distance away from the entrance, i saw my cousin, Remmy. he was carrying one big bag of luggage, and a laptop bag was hanging from his shoulder. he was sitting on one of those seat at the airport. he has been watching me all this while. he smiled and i ran towards him. and gave him a friendly hug.

"Only sixteen, and you're getting a girl like that. what will you become when you turn my age?"

i laughed a little and he laughed a lot. then he said "just don't be gay okay?"

we went over to the taxi counter, and booked a taxi. we waited outside and went home afterwards. in the taxi, he grabbed my hand and started to read what Elly wrote on my hand. he told me to call her tonight. i refused but he insisted that i do it tonight, because it was Thursday. tonight was lady's night at any club in Kuching. he told me to ask her out. i refused to ask her out to go clubbing because mainly for one reason, i was underage. he said he'd cover for me about my age. he persuaded me over and over again, even until we reached his house. even until we were inside his house and unpacking his stuff he was still persuading me.i unpacked his PS2 and plugged it into the Home theatre in his entertainment room. we were playing guitar hero 3 and he was still trying to get me to ask the girl out.

"she gave her numbers to you for a reason, stupid. its not a kind of nice things to do after some guy help her. she wants you to ask her out."

i thought some more and still refused,until we were playing the dragon force song, Through the Fire and Flame, he betted if he could finish the song better than me i asked Elly out tonight. i accepted his challenge since i always accepted any challengem,plus i was mediaocre at dragonforce song in guitar hero. he probably never played this song before.

i lost. he played the song perfectly in hard mode. i couldn't even compete with his score. he finished it 100%. I SHOULDN'T HAVE UNDERESTIMATED HIM. so the bet was i asked Elly out. okay. i reached my phone, dialled her number. there was a caller tone, the song by the vines "don't listen to the radio" was playing. then an answer.it was her. i asked if it was her, and she answered yes. i asked how she was doing, she said she had a hard time getting places since she has never been to Kuching before. then i had the chance, i offered to show her around Kuching. she happily answered that it would be great. she then thanked me a lot, and asked me to meet her at the Merdeka Palace.

there i showed to Remmy that i can take the challenge. but the problem was i can't drive because i don't have a license. Remmy told me not to worry, he told me "WE" could use his car. "WE"? what does he mean by that?

Street Punk(Love co-exist)

2008-05-03T06:45:00.000-07:00

My Name is Jonhny, short for Junid.i look around.Kuching, no place like it, its unique like the people here.i am an outcast.everywhere i walk everybody would glance at me. they were looking at me as if i were a monster. i never did anything wrong but i knew just by the glances that they were talking bad about me. whisper of people passing by talking of my bad attitude, or that i probably have rob some store, or i was doing drugs, i can hear them all, but i just ignore them. i deafen my ear. this is what happens to me everyday of my life.

the glances can be the most dangerous weapon to ever be used, and the second most dangerous is bad impression. it was probably because of how i dress. i am a PUNK enthusiast.so to symbolize my interest i usually wear my PUNK getup. leather jacket with spike on the shoulder and the back, spiked bracelet, mohawk hair and combat boots. i walk around the city carrying my guitar, and a bag.

Kuching, Friday. my life changed forever. i was just coming back from a jamming session. the studio was on the second floor, i was walking down from the place. on the side walk, i passed a few shops, and a few people. they were glancing at me. then i passed this girl, she was wearing all white, i can smell her perfume from yards away. she saw me so i took my glance away from her. she smiled at me. i didn't know what to do. i never met with a girl like her before so i just walked past her. i was a bit nervous. so i just walked fster. then some guy was running in front of me and he knocked my shoulder. i wanted to retaliate but i wasn't in any mood to fight, especially in public.

the girl i saw earlier was still a few blocks away from where i was walking, she was buying something from a general store near the jamming studio. she was different, i can sense it. her glance, her smile, it wasn't like any other glance, and it wasn't those cynical smile too. her glance was more innocent and her smile was more sweet. i wasn't probably the one for her. a PUNK and an sweetheart will never be together, like a devil can never be with an angel.

suddenly, i could hear a scream, and a loud shouting for help. i turned to my back and i saw the girl sitting on the floor, while shouting for help. no one near her was helping her. she shouted that someone has snatched her handbag. no one cared, there was about a dozen guys there, but all they did was stared at her. i wasn't about to let such a thing happen. i ran as fast as i could to catch the snatch thief. i ran past her, and then the jamming studio. soon i was just a few inches away from the thief. but he provesto be a better runner than me, cause the moment he saw me behind him, he just dashed forward even faster. something was weighting me down, it was my guitar.

i made a one second thought. but i knew i would regret it later, but at hte time i wasn't thinking about anything. i jsut thought about her smile. i threw my guitar at the thief. he went down like a tree. the weight of my guitar was just unbearable to his head. i thought that he was dead. then a few moments later,a police car surrounded me.the police officer asked me to put my hands up. i couldn't do anything. i couldn't even explain. i was arrested for something that i didn't do.

i was in lock up with a few other felons. i didn't know what to do. the guy i threw down was also there, but was lying on the floor with a bandage wrapped on his head. he was conscious when he was put i here. he was still probably in pain. then the police officer that arrested me called my name. and asked me to step out of the cell. then he called another name, and the thief that i knocked down walked out.

we were asked to go in a straight line into a bright litted room. we were asked to stand in one straight vertical line facing a mirror.i knew this was the suspect room. the bloody thief was beside me. then out of nowhere this voice came, and told me to take a step forward. i was given number 7. so i slowly stepped forward. then the voice came again and told number 8 to move forward. after a few minutes the police officer came again to instruct us to get out. we were escorted back to the cell. an hour later, my name was called again. this time i was told that someone made a bail for me. i didn't know who it was, but i was thankful. the bail officer gave me a bag containing what was confiscated from me. my broken guitar. damn. i regretted throwing my guitar. there goes my two month payroll.

i walked slowly out of the station. my spiked mohawk hair was already down, cause i've been splashed with water by the other felons in the cell. i think he was drunk, at least untill i was finished with him(i beated him hard). i tried to fix my hair before i walked out of the station but it didn't work. i walked out with my hair down. it was almost dark in Kuching, Padang merdeka was as empty as ever, cars filled the street. but of course with the road to India Street closed, the whole road was even more crowded than before.

i walked around a bit, just before someone called my name. i thought it was the police officer again. but as i turned my head i saw the girl. she smiled at me. her smile was so sweet. she said something to me, i coudn't hear anything with all the blaring sound of cars and motorcycles beside us. i shrugged my head and she moved closer to me, reached her head near to mine, and whispered "Thank you,my hero" and gave me a kiss on the cheeks. i was blushing. she must have bailed me out. then we introduced ourselves formally to each other. her name is Layla. she held my arms softly and we walked together towards the open air foodcourt.